Grace-period

What's your theological worldview? You scored as a Reformed Evangelical You are a Reformed Evangelical. You take the Bible very seriously because it is God's Word. You most likely hold to TULIP and are sceptical about the possibilities of universal atonement or resistible grace. The most important thing the Church can do is make sure people hear how they can go to heaven when they die. Reformed Evangelical 71% Emergent/Postmodern 68% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 61% Weird...thinking that something as benign as a quiz could clarify ME! LOL

S ometimes I get hung up. I get hung up on mean people, intolerant people, injustice, stupidity, jaywalkers, marketing ad nauseum, well, that's the latest list anyway. I am sure I'll be judgemental about something else later today. You see, that is what this hang up thing is about: me making judgements. S ome might say we need to judge-judge truth in something, judge trustworthiness of a person, judge wisdom in a plan-that sort of thing. Maybe that is true, but that is not what I find I do. I don't go looking for the positive in a thing, I get hung up on the negative of a thing. N egativity magnet. Pessimist. Brooding. There are words that I used to describe myself. But, over the years, I have been noticing that I find what I look for. If I am searching for the negative, I find it. If I am seeking beauty, I find it. So, judgement depends little on the thing one is looking at, but on the focus of the one looking. S ame thing about the company I keep, the book...

I am so, so grateful to all the wonderful, loving, amazing people God has placed in my life that have been willing to walk with me this last semester. I asked gobs of questions, often more than once, argued frequently to figure out what I thought, and cried at times. I have been frustrated and astounded, exhausted and exhilarated. But, it is finished. The paper handed in, the books laid aside, the calendar open!

You are the source of life I can't be left behind No one else will do I will take hold of you I need You Jesus To come to my rescue Where else can I go There's no other name by Which I am saved Capture me with grace I will follow you This world has nothing for me I will follow You This world has nothing for me I will follow You

So, I am writing this paper, my final paper, for my class. I don't know if I am stalling because I don't want it to end or because I am afraid of what my conclusions might be. Just don't bring any lit flames around me for a bit. I am also worried about stacked wood. Who actually determines who is heretical? The church, that may be wrong? Luther was a heretic, right? Fairly good company then. Guess back to work the heretic goes.

I am running away. God may be able to handle all of us, but I sure can't. I am tired of the snickering picketing scrapping snapping. I am tired of all the echoes of discontent in my head-my own and others. I want peace and quiet. I am selfish. I am tangled up. I need time off. I need a nap. I need someone to write this final paper for me. I need someone to make my apologies for me. I need someone to clean my house. I need someone to cook me supper. The quiet of this picture, both the volume and the air, sink into my spirit and soothe it like a calming balm. I am running away. Life is too loud and noisy today.

I continue to beg God for grace and to help me set aside this stupid pride that makes it so difficult to not rebel. I am not even sure what I am supposed to be NOT rebelling against half the time, but it makes it really hard to just sit with God when I know He isn't telling me to go away or just go have babies or whatever the drama of the moment is. Even as I realize in the depths of my heart that I am a woman, (yes, I understand it needn't take that much time to figure it out, but somehow I thought there was a loop hole or that maybe the "priesthood of all believers" really was ALL believers, not just those with certain anatomy) God has not let His pull on my heart or my spirit lessen. Somehow I started feeling just a little normal (not abnormal anyway about this hold He has on me) but then it hits me again, in waves like nausea. I find my prayer has been a little impatient lately-"Dude, what do you want me to do?" I would do anything, except the thing...