A New Year's Possibilities

I like to pretend that I don't need too much.  If you make dinner, I will eat what you serve, though later you may find that I wince if it moos or clucks, as a few friends have.  If you have a preference, I probably won't.  But I don't want you to know that I rely on you, either.

Perhaps it is some old instinct to keep me safe.  It doesn't really matter.  What matters is that I know it is a lie and I don't know what to do about it.

I don't want to need to be part of a community, but I need mirrors and cheerleaders and safe places.  I don't want to rely on you, to be an imposition on you, but I am needy-for encouragement and for guidance. 

More people wished me a happy birthday today than the total of the years that I have been alive.  Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised.  I am a friendly and helpful enough person.  Though in reality, it is more simple: I am not that old!  But I do wonder, why is it that I am so afraid of you?  Why do I expect you to not understand?  Why do I still prefer the fringes than to ride the waves?

Maybe I will learn to surf.  Maybe this year will be the one that I throw caution to the wind and become a part of.  Maybe.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Nice to see your blogging again sister. I hear you with being afraid. Suggestion for ya: drop the maybes. Hit a surfboard and catch a wave. Don't think about it, just go for it cos if you're anything like me (and I hate to say it but it sounds like you are)think about it too long and you'll think your way right back out of it.

love ya more than a cherry and coconut flapjack
Bev
May 22, 2013 at 6:03 PM
Karmen said…
It is strange that so many of us feel that way. I do think this is your year to ride the waves though. Happy Birthday Jaime!
May 22, 2013 at 7:02 PM
Me said…
LOL Bev, a cherry and coconut flapjack?????? You are a nut...and I love you!
May 26, 2013 at 7:46 AM
Me said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
May 26, 2013 at 7:46 AM
Me said…
Thanks Karmen. I do believe it is, too. A little scary, but God is doing something crazy! :)
May 26, 2013 at 7:47 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Blog Carnival: Community

Image
Blog Carnival: Community Community is getting to be a buzzword that hardly seems recognizable.  It has become permanently connected with a metrosexual worship leader at the hip church which has an outreach into some impoverished place.  But is that community? Yesterday I wrote about Facebook's social networking site.  Did you know that there are more than 300 million active users and that 50% of their active users (returned to the site in the last 30 days) log on to Facebook in any given day and that the average user has 130 friends on the site? Is that community? Do we really have a community or do we talk so much about it and request friends by the busload because we desire it intensely? We were made for community.  Creator said it was not good for that first man to be alone.  Even Creator was not alone.  We need to walk with others.  We need our village.  We need them to not only walk with us a...
Read more

He's Calling

Image
I didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up, wanting to write. Those nights are annoying, particularly when I am working 12 hours the next day so I have no business getting out of bed to write. But here is the thing that kept bugging me...what if God is calling us not to greatness, but to smallness? Yeah, weird thing to keep a person awake, huh? Our group that went to the Leadership Summit are praying for ways that we can put what we learned into practice. Look around your neighborhood-there is so much need. Look around your coworkers-enough need to depress you. Look around the world-so much need it can paralyze. And then I think about this thing with callings... What if it isn't about being called to a thing, but to be like Him? What if it doesn't matter where I am or what I do but how I do it? What if His only desire is for me to respond to this broken world as He does? Right where I am? Jesus stopped to love the kids, he held up important people to talk to a woman, ...
Read more

The Reason for the Season

Image
This post is participating in today's blog carnival on the word LOVE.  To read other posts, click here . As all my friends texted holiday wishes this Christmas, one stood out.  This one seemed to go against all the "Keep Christ in Christmas" and "Jesus is the reason for the season" bumper stickers.  This text said simply, U r the reason 4 the season. At first I thought she wrote it incorrectly, so I read it again looking for the typo.  But, there wasn't one. That's when it hit me: without me, there wouldn't be a need for Christmas. Ok, so that sounds somewhat egocentric, but hang in there with me.  God is this crazy amazing being made of love.  It is out of that crazy, amazing love that he chose to step into flesh, to show us that God does love us and that he didn't abandon us to the evil that surrounds us, to bring us back to this relationship.  God, the first and greatest lover, pursues us, rescues us.  O...
Read more