Time to Empty
My heart is full of burden. My spirit is heavy. My eyes well with tears. My brain turns with ideas and regrets and plans but does not know rest. My bones ache as I move through the days with this weight. Of my world. Of the world? I am tired but cannot sleep. Until the morning when I lie there pondering how the day might unfold poorly, adding to the weight. Depression is not unfamiliar to me. If it were simply discontentment with the way my world is, I would divorce the husband, move to another town, ride a scooter, speak a different language. Whatever it would take to find joy. But it isn't my external world. It is the internal world. Despite having a dear man who tries to love me, despite a job that I enjoy more often than not, despite a faith in a God who holds me close, despite all sorts of goodness and purpose in my life, this internal burden nags and holds me back. Much of the time it is manageable. Sometimes, not so much. A friend of many years, a woman wh