Showing posts from June, 2007

Little lost in my pride

Sometimes growth just seems to occur naturally, as during sleep, and then other times it seems only to happen thru struggle. Learning new behaviors fit into this. Just look at a toddler for a role model. They take awkward, halting steps at first toward a prized goal, but then they fall from lack of balance and coordination. Over and over they are willing to try to take those steps because they are so attracted to the face of their mother or father. Each bump and scratch are quickly forgotten when they again raise their eyes to that loving smiling face.

Why does it take me so long to raise my eyes toward that face? Why does it seem I must force myself to forget my hurts and look away from me to that face? Why do I always expect myself to walk, effortlessly, even during those first steps? Why does the goal seem worthless when my steps aren't sure-footed?

Silly kids

Wow, we were married 16 years on June 15th. I never thought I would get married when I was a girl. Never thought I would be blessed enough to meet a decent guy. We had some ups and downs, but we are still here. I am glad we didn't kill each other the many times we wanted to, LOL. I was recently talking to a friend about her desire to marry and her "qualifications" for him. Altho I had my own list when I met you, the best one I only learned about in the last few years...that the person to marry is the person that can help you get to heaven. Starting off, I am not sure either of us would qualify, but today, you certainly do!

Wisdom from drunks

I like to think that I have a clue. And then God hands me a cup of coffee and tells me to shut up and listen.....

Acceptanceis the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place or thing, or situation...some fact of life....unacceptable to me,and I can find NO serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in ME...and in my attitudes.

----From AA Big Book pg 449

One of those days

Ever have one of those days? Boy, I have lately, actually. more like one of those weeks. I have been unable to put my finger on it, but I have been out of sorts. I have been tired. I have been overwhelmed. I have been frustrated. I have been angry. I have been lonely. I am...self centered. And as I was walking and praying, I suddenly had this moment of clarity: I am having a temper tantrum. As surely as a toddler who has been thrown off schedule by a holiday or a family trip gets cranky and out of sorts, I had lost that inability to rest in knowing things were the way they are supposed to be. My head whirled with decisions to be made, chores to be done, dreams to be fulfilled, apologies to be offered, changes to create... It isn't that I am lacking for anything more than peace of mind or gratitude. I have been stuck in the "it's not fair" whine. For real, who told me it was supposed to be fair? Who told me that the world revolved around me? Why is it so hard to…

For Diana

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 Can you see it now? LOL It is easy to get a little knowledge and information about something and think, I got this, whether it is about my recovery or God or my physical health. I thought I knew what was wrong that I kept falling. I thought I was a klutz or that my feet where too big. I thought, in horror, it could be a brain tumor. Of course, since I knew all this, I didn't need to go to a doctor. But I did, because I know that a higher power can be the difference between life and death for me. What I really found out is that my lower leg isn't working properly. Geez, not something I had even considered. So I am doing some therapy to help it and we will re-evaluate. In the same way, I seek my sponsor's guidance with situations. Not because I am a mindless sheep, but because she is objective and her …


"To believe we are totally and eternally debt free is seldom easy....As a result, many are forgiven only a little, not because the grace of the king is limited, but because the faith of the sinner is small." ~Max Lucado, In the Grip of Grace (1996) ~It is hard to be forgiven. We want to be right, not in need of forgiveness. We want to be accepted, not despite or in spite of something. Our pride doesn't want us to consider where we may have caused harm, even unintentional. Our pride says, they don't really understand, or, they were never really your friend. Our pride says, they are making a mountain out of a molehill; it wasn't that bad. ~But how bad is bad enough? It would seem that any crack in a relationship requires mending before more broken-ness and crumbling occurs. Still, we just dismiss it and mumble, they'll get over it. ~The other side is the mender, the King who wants to forgive. It is hurtful to have your attempts to forgive and mend the rif…