Showing posts from December, 2014

My Semipermeable Soul

A selectively permeable cell membrane is one that allows certain molecules or ions to pass through it.
Sometimes my soul feels a little too permeable.  I work with and befriend and care about individuals who may be in the deepest pit of their lives, if they will just stop digging themselves in deeper, that is.  In the last month, there were 4 suicide attempts & 2 simply went missing.  Jails and institutions are a normal part of daily life.  Even if their lives aren't falling apart, some of my friends are grappling with illness or loss of loved ones.  Hunger, homelessness, hopelessness are not a part of a documentary I watch on TV of a land far away.  I hugged that person last night.  We texted today.  I am praying for them right now.

My spirit is weighed down and fatigued.  I carry the pain, the doubts, the fears with me-this weird spiritual dust that I cannot brush off.  I thought my soul was permeable because I find these things aren't mine but transferred to me by others,…

What holds us together?

I am not the tape to piece your life together. I am not the super glue to seal the cracks of breakage in your world. I wish I could. I wish I could fix you. I wish you could see what I see in you. I wish you could stand in my shoes and get a different perspective. It saddens me to know that you can't. I know that right now you're trapped-in the pain and the chaos in your head, believing the lies, hoping to die, wishing that it would all simply stop.

Frankly I'm not even the superglue for my own life. I can also be a mess, overwhelmed and insecure. I have brokenness that you might not see, but it is there. I've been thinking about that tonight, as I wonder-what is my superglue?
During this time of year when the darkness comes too early and, worse, the darkness inside my head seems to creep a little closer, I have only one superglue, one refuge, one hope.
Jesus. I think that's why we celebrate his birth during these dark nights, not because of some Roman god. The though…