Armchair QB

We spent the day with our friends of Inner Metro Green this past Sunday.  This is a small missional community in Lancaster city which we stumbled across but find ourselves drawn to.  There is nothing fancy about them.  They rent the sanctuary from an existing church.  They are young and old, married and singles, men and women, black and white.  There was no band, just a single guitar.  They spend time in worship, share the Eucharist, and then a member of the community gives a message.

For this first Sunday of Advent, Keith provided a message from a passage known as the Beatitudes.

Blessed are the meek...

What does that even mean?  My grandmother says that God cares for the ignorant and their children.  Is that what it means?  God takes care of those unable to care for themselves?  Doesn't God give us gifts to use?  I can fix.  I am a problem solver.  I am a little bossy sometimes, but I usually know the right answer.  Doesn't God want me to get things done?  Doesn't He want me to work on His behalf?

Does He?  He praised Mary who sat at His feet, listening, learning, loving, while Martha ran around doing, serving, getting things done.  Do things, achieving goals, mean as much as we think?  If they give me a sense of self, isn't that just another form of idolatry?  Shouldn't my sense of who I am be a reflection of who He says I am? 

for they will inherit the earth.

What is that about?  Obviously there wasn't global warming and strip mining and strip malls in Jesus' time.  (Well, maybe there was/is/will be since He occupies that place of Alpha and Omega...)  Either way, He didn't talk about it.  'Course, in that time, much like now, everyone wanted that piece of land in Palestine.  The Jews were under Roman rule, but many held hope that Jesus would fix all that.

Being a note taker, that's just how I process, I was engrossed in processing Keith's words when I became aware that the atmosphere had changed.  This was confirmed when Keith said, "You guys are looking at the mouse up here, right?"  Actually there were two quiet, little mice, church mice, of course.

The mice weren't trying to steal communion or intrude on the service.  They were just doing what mice do: scurry curiously across floors exploring.  But in a moment, the church mice had inherited the service, our piece of the earth for the moment.

So, what if we just did our thing?  What if we just tried to live lives that would please Jesus, that might reflect God's love to the people around us, that relied on grace?  What if we didn't get political or demand that governments obey God's rule (especially since He is a Ruler of the heart more than land right now) or expect to be treated fairly?  What if we expect to suffer ridicule and isolation for sharing the radical love of Jesus?  What if....

Maybe then we will inherit the earth.

Just Frigging Enter. Rest & Pray, too.

With a word, God could make it all better.  Does He even need to say the word?  Could He not just think it?  Yet, He stays off in the distance, at arm's length.  What does He wait for?  Doesn't He know how bad it is?  How the heart aches and the spirit pleads for peace?

Being sinned against causes pain.  A decision shatters dreams.  Separation from those loved stills aches.  Trudging thru the mess can become exhausting.  Yet, He waits.

If Francis Chan is right, then God wants to change me more than my circumstance.  Great.  What is He trying to do?  I thought He loved me?

While I sit, moaning quietly in the still blackness, there is a Whisper, "Call her."  And I do. She suggests that I be kind to myself and even kinder to others while I am hurting.  Sounds annoying and frankly too difficult, but she loves me so I will try. 

Waking the next day, still feeling the pangs of disconnect from God, there is a Whisper, "Encourage her."  Tho this woman has been frustrating, actually the sound of her voice has been grating on me, I do.  And it helps me not want to throw things at her (so much).

Later there is a Whisper, "Rest."  So I take a nap.  I get up able to make better choices.

It annoys me when a friend asks me if I have prayed about the situation.  Is she nuts?  I have been asking God repeatedly to tell me what His deal is!  Crying out, "What is taking so frigging long?!  What good is it to try to follow the rules if life sucks?!"

She scolds me that I shouldn't have said "frigging" to the holy God of the universe, but what occurs to me is that it really has nothing to do with following the rules (even not saying "frigging" to God).  I am not good without Him.  Nothing is good without Him.  Rules create expectations of stuff.  God doesn't owe me anything.  Grace is everything.

Then she tells me maybe I ought to try to really pray.  I know I gave her a "look" because the subject was quickly changed.  Perhaps I am a little cranky, but did she really think I wasn't?  Well, maybe I haven't been, maybe the best I have been able to do is ask my friends to talk to Dad with me.  Maybe the best I have been able to do is cry at His feet and unload the pain.  Pain that makes all the arrogance and skills and intellect I have into mere foolish, worldly distractions.  Maybe all of me has come to nothing and I can only wait for Him to hear my cries how a mother will not ignore the cries of her newborn. 

And maybe He did hear me.

With each day the idea became more persistent that maybe He is with me, caring for me after all.

And maybe He really doesn't need to say the word because He whispers.

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, O God.

Psalm 42:1 NIV

Armchair QB

As my husband and I continue our search for a closer church, we are amazed at the differences in the Body of Christ.  We have met stoic, solemn believers and flag waving expressive believers, integrated churches, monochromic churches.  None more Christian than another, just different in their expressions of faith.  That doesn't bother me, but as I read about the early church gatherings, I wonder if we have lost something, the sense of unity and connectedness not only with God but with each other.  They wanted to be part of each other so much that one church would send some of their communion bread to the next as a way of being present with their brothers and sisters. Well, since this week was a visitation Sunday, we checked out a different church in our area, ACTS Covenant Fellowship. 

One of the coolest things about ACTS was the kids.  There were kids EVERYWHERE!  They were sometimes a little rowdy, but they were loved.  Families sang with their children on their hips, encouraging them.  Then the children were dismissed, and not in the manner of, "Let's get the kids to their stuff so we can have some peace to do adult stuff," but they were prayed for as they left.  That was beautiful to see how they valued the children.

Unfortunately, I did not get a program for the worship (and the website doesn't give a whole lot of information) so I do not know names and such, but the pastor's message was on leadership.  This Sunday the church was affirming a group of young leaders, so the topic was a natural discussion.

One thing that caught my ear was the idea that leadership is a way to get to know God better, to become more like Him.  Just to clarify, the pastor stated that since the kingdom of God is a kingdom of priests, we are all called to be leaders whether of our families as mothers and fathers, our small groups, our communities, or our church.  Leadership is a position of influence, responsibility, sacrifice, and pain.

I have read books on leadership and been to Catalyst conferences that develop and shape young leaders in the church.  Still, I had never thought about how leadership can help us become more like God.  We have influence, not control, of those in our care and that is only because we do care.  It is a responsibilty born of love.  For those women who allow me to lead them, I love them and take this responsibility, this honor, to be in their lives, very seriously.  Sometimes it feels very lonely.  The whole goal of leading the women I do, it seems, is to release them to influence their own worlds.  Although I am proud of these women and the differences they make in the world around them, there is a separateness sometimes that I cannot quite put my finger on.

Makes me think about how God might feel.  Is He proud of us?  Do we hurt Him when we keep our distance?  When we lie about what is really going on because we cannot bring ourselves to face it?  Does He love us, waiting anxiously for us, knowing how much we need to talk, to walk thru our struggles?  Does He smile knowing how well we are really doing even when we are frustrated and don't feel like anything worthwhile is happening, unable to see the results, or the process?  Does He cheer us?  Does He cry with us?

Tho this can only reflect my imperfect leadership, God's leadership is perfect.  He does not just walk with us.  He provides for us, and He knows us completely.