Sucking Life

Depression sucks. Literally. It sucks the life out of the individual (sometimes literally). It sucks joy from a sunny day spent with friends. It sucks the energy to put on makeup or even wash your hair. It sucks the desire to achieve goals, or make goal, or even consider that there is anything one wants to do. It sucks you away from people who love you and who you love, creating a cocoon of depression that reinforces the depression. It sucks satisfaction from work and even fosters a hostility because the lack of energy and desire makes work, and coworkers, overwhelming. It sucks curiosity and courage leaving only emptiness and  apathy. The suction is painful, not because of the losses but because of the seeming endlessness. It snowballs. It is circular. It is cumulative. It. Sucks.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.    John 10:10 NIV

I don’t believe God intended us to be depressed. Nor does he desire abuse, addiction, alienation from family, anxiety, and many other things that we tolerate or recover from. These things are not from God. These things steal from us. Our innocence is stolen.  Our peace is stolen. Our hope is stolen. Our joy and connection is stolen. Our desire to live and love is stolen. 

I am realizing the thief is more real and more present than I believed. Finally, when I am ready to listen, the Word of God shows itself to be more intuitive than I thought. Jesus is not surprised by this, or by my depression; I am. 

I will continue to fill up these leftover empty spaces with awe and worship of God and his Word, with the love and tenderness of self-care, with relationships that nourish and encourage, with words that tell my story of who God is to me. 

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