I love water. I love hiking in creeks. I love exploring to see who lives there and feel the squishy earth under my feet. I love experimenting with this rock or that to see which is steady to step on. I love rolling a river rock in my palm and caressing the smoothness of it. There is something about all this that is calming and reassuring.
When I begin to really look at all this in regards to my life, not just my vacations...well...I become a little embarrassed that I fight so hard.
I hate the shifting sands that I feel lately. I hate the meanness of some people that I need to deal with on a daily. I hate not knowing exactly what way to go or what door to go in, to the point of not going anywhere. I hate that the current of life, the rapids affect us and cause us to trim down our activities and relationships by making choices.
See what I mean? I just want to hide in embarrassment! All the things I enjoy on vacations simply aren't acceptable in my "real" life. Hmmm....didn't I write about acceptance a little bit ago?
Somehow, the exploration of vacation is expected. I expect the silt to be squishy, I expect the rocks to be slippery, and I expect the rocks to be shaped by their environments. I already accept these things. But, when we get back to my real life, well, somehow I feel like it SHOULDN'T be that way. I could make it different, if someone let me.
Didn't Jesus himself say this life wasn't supposed to be easy? Why do I think differently? Maybe because I am trying to bear my fear alone, without Him. Maybe because I continue to fall back on self will.
Father, help me to remember that I am not in this alone and that I need to allow you to do your work on me. I heard it said that "the difference between God and me is that He doesn't try to be me." I'm glad you don't! Help me to remember that this is all in your hands and that nothing will happen today that you don't already know about.