Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Continuing to Ask


So, the beauty of email-throw out a question and get back an answer while you sleep! LOL If only prayer worked liked that, maybe I wouldn't be asking all these questions. Since she chose not to respond on the blog, I am not going to write it here. But my response comes from her email.
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I know that (Prayer is a way of crying out to the only one who can actually help us), but it just seems like such a solitary journey (Prayer is a way of putting God on the throne). I have been going on this thing with prayer for a month or so lately. I used to pray more easily. Now it feels harder, less connected, more for me and less about me and Him tho I know the whole thing probably is just selfish (Often our prayers are selfish, because we want to feel better, or we want things to be better for someone else ) but is that really what this is supposed to be about? I have never been comfortable with others praying for me. It gives me the creeps honestly. Prayer is so intimate, so is praying with someone or for someone. Probably over analyzing .
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How do you pray for THINGS when they don't happen? When you know it isn't necessary? UGH, here are the guts of the issue-
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Father, don't waste your time on me! There are babies starving, people who don't know you, lost sleeping in abandominiums, broken marriages, disease, and so many horrifying ways to live. I AM SO BLESSED! I know my Father. I have wonderful friends. Yeah, pain sucks-so what? It is just this world in my bones, this sinful, broken, lost-ness that rips at my joints. Just as I inherited a sinful nature, I inherited this disease that causes pain and keeps me leaning into You. Would I rely as much on You if I had no reason to? I am afraid, but I push it aside because I needn't be, because I don't need to worry about this whole thing. My need was never physical whole-ness but spiritual.
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I am hoping I am growing somewhere and this passes and I can assimilate into the general population more easily. LOL Isn't that what we all really want anyway? To not stick out, to not be the stick in the mud?
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The greatest tragedy of life is not unanswered prayer,
but unoffered prayer.
F.B. Meyer

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