Continuing to Ask

So, the beauty of email-throw out a question and get back an answer while you sleep! LOL If only prayer worked liked that, maybe I wouldn't be asking all these questions. Since she chose not to respond on the blog, I am not going to write it here. But my response comes from her email.
I know that (Prayer is a way of crying out to the only one who can actually help us), but it just seems like such a solitary journey (Prayer is a way of putting God on the throne). I have been going on this thing with prayer for a month or so lately. I used to pray more easily. Now it feels harder, less connected, more for me and less about me and Him tho I know the whole thing probably is just selfish (Often our prayers are selfish, because we want to feel better, or we want things to be better for someone else ) but is that really what this is supposed to be about? I have never been comfortable with others praying for me. It gives me the creeps honestly. Prayer is so intimate, so is praying with someone or for someone. Probably over analyzing .
How do you pray for THINGS when they don't happen? When you know it isn't necessary? UGH, here are the guts of the issue-
Father, don't waste your time on me! There are babies starving, people who don't know you, lost sleeping in abandominiums, broken marriages, disease, and so many horrifying ways to live. I AM SO BLESSED! I know my Father. I have wonderful friends. Yeah, pain sucks-so what? It is just this world in my bones, this sinful, broken, lost-ness that rips at my joints. Just as I inherited a sinful nature, I inherited this disease that causes pain and keeps me leaning into You. Would I rely as much on You if I had no reason to? I am afraid, but I push it aside because I needn't be, because I don't need to worry about this whole thing. My need was never physical whole-ness but spiritual.
I am hoping I am growing somewhere and this passes and I can assimilate into the general population more easily. LOL Isn't that what we all really want anyway? To not stick out, to not be the stick in the mud?
The greatest tragedy of life is not unanswered prayer,
but unoffered prayer.
F.B. Meyer


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