This is how I feel today... tho thankfully I know better. I am living up to my neck today in character defects. I am so off my square. I am tired of myself.
But, the thing is, when I go back to the steps, step 3 tells me I can turn this all over to God...the temper tantrums, the squabbles, the nasty thoughts, the revenge plots, the fear of losing face, the insecurity, the sadness. I can turn my will and my life over to God. Anytime I choose.
And the Scripture calls out to me too: Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7) Of course the fact that Peter wrote that at all says we don't turn our worries over to God as a normative action. Otherwise, he needn't have wasted the time writing it, duh.
Why can't I leave all my worries and concerns to Him? If I did, might I not be more peaceful, less prone to act out on my defective (sinful) nature?
I hate those days when I know I know better and I can't do better! I just want to bang my head against a wall to knock some sense into me and then I hear another passionate hard head whisper (ok, bet he never whispered), I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. (Romans 7:18, 19)
I guess all this means is that I am in good company. If spiritual giants like Peter and Paul thought and probably struggled with this stuff, why would I think I shouldn't? Why should I think this should come easily? Of course I know God is good, even when He scares me. Of course I know He will make all things work out for His glory, but sometimes it hurts in the working. And of course I know everything is under His control, even when I forget to give Him credit.