Help Me!



This is how I feel today... tho thankfully I know better. I am living up to my neck today in character defects. I am so off my square. I am tired of myself.


But, the thing is, when I go back to the steps, step 3 tells me I can turn this all over to God...the temper tantrums, the squabbles, the nasty thoughts, the revenge plots, the fear of losing face, the insecurity, the sadness. I can turn my will and my life over to God. Anytime I choose.


And the Scripture calls out to me too: Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7) Of course the fact that Peter wrote that at all says we don't turn our worries over to God as a normative action. Otherwise, he needn't have wasted the time writing it, duh.


Why can't I leave all my worries and concerns to Him? If I did, might I not be more peaceful, less prone to act out on my defective (sinful) nature?


I hate those days when I know I know better and I can't do better! I just want to bang my head against a wall to knock some sense into me and then I hear another passionate hard head whisper (ok, bet he never whispered), I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. (Romans 7:18, 19)


I guess all this means is that I am in good company. If spiritual giants like Peter and Paul thought and probably struggled with this stuff, why would I think I shouldn't? Why should I think this should come easily? Of course I know God is good, even when He scares me. Of course I know He will make all things work out for His glory, but sometimes it hurts in the working. And of course I know everything is under His control, even when I forget to give Him credit.

Comments

Bill G said…
I struggle with the same stuff Jaime. When people that spent time with Jesus doubt and struggle then what chance do I have. I can't even find the time to read my bible. satan laughs at me because I am so easy to trip up.
Jaime said…
Sometimes as I fight the moment, I forget that the battle is already won. The end of this book has been written and we cheated by reading those last few pages. We know Satan loses. Now, he may annoy us and taunt us, but I don't need to pay him any mind. He has no power over me-that belongs to Dad.

Sure, I fall short, a lot. But Christ didn't die because I was the bomb and heaven won't be complete without me. His sacrifice was His show of love for our pathetic butts. He expects me to forget to read my Bible and to fall asleep when I want to be praying.

I know my life is a lot smoother when I am discipling myself, but thankfully, God loves me in spite of me :)

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