So, isn't that what our real answer is? Maybe.....
God, if this is really what you want, make the money appear and I will do it.
God, if this is really what you want, make it my spouse's idea.
God, if this is really what you want, [fill in your own condition].
This week in this class our church has called Starting Point (from North Point Ministries), the focus is on the promise God made to Abram, to make him a father of a great nation that would bless all nations. So, Abram accepts this promise, to an extent. When God was slow to fulfill it, Abram and Sarai time, they decided to just fulfill the promise on their own-Abram would sleep with Sarai's servant to bear an heir.
Isn't this so like us? God says, pray for the person sitting beside you with your friends. Your, ok, my response is, oh no, that couldn't be God. And He gets more forceful. My response: the professional pray-er is 2 seats down God-tell him. He doesn't let me off the hook. My response: I'll do it really quietly and secretly so my friends don't see and think I am whacked believing God is speaking to me (mind you, we are at a Christian conference so maybe God speaking to people should be acceptable). So I do that, feeling relief that I have crossed something God wanted me to do off the list, when the man I was praying for confirms God's request. I actually felt like I had sinned. Maybe I did. But confessing and repenting quickly, I got the rest of our team involved and we had this amazing moment.
We always want to accept leftovers when God wants to give us a banquet. We want to wear hand me downs when God wants to outfit us in designer gowns. We want to survive, but God wants us to thrive!
Is it that we think so little of ourselves, or could it be, that we think so little of our God? I admit, I trust God...most of the time, except when He begins leading me somewhere that I might look foolish. Then my pride stops me, makes me think it thru carefully, makes me rationalize and justify, makes me wrestle until God makes me limp. Then I surrender. And the thing is, what God gives me is always so amazing. Like crazy, razzle dazzle amazing. It never hurts. It always fills me with joy and confidence. It always makes things sweeter. But I always expect is to be terrible, painful. I always expect to be inadequate, awkward. Doesn't God love messing with us, tho? He prefers to use us at our most inadequate and awkward. How else could we know it was Him and not us? How else could we give Him praise and know that He is God and we are so not?
Father, help me to say YES when I want to say maybe because I am afraid. Help me to remember the goodness of things You have done in the past so that I step thru the fear and into Your joy. I am sorry for all the times I do not trust You. I am sorry for all the times I squirm in Your arms. Father, I come to You as Your daughter, knowing, and loving, that You are my Father. I love You! Amen.