Moses feels inadequate about himself, "Who am I?" Don't we all wonder that when God nudges us to offer to pray with someone or when we are asked to lead a group? I am just this knucklehead, I am just a woman, I am too new to the faith, I don't have a degree...
God reassures him, "I will be with you." And that is the answer, it is not our power. It is not me that does, but God. My life is in God, by God, thru God. My strength is from God. My gifts were bestowed by the Spirit. My salvation a grace obtained by the Son. I only need to lean into Him to find all the Power that I need.
Moses feels inadequate about his knowledge of God, "What should I tell them is the name of the God who sends me?" Have I had enough Bible college classes? Have I read thru the Bible enough times? I don't know enough to be used by you God!
God reveals who He is, "I AM has sent you," and reveals more of His plan, "The elders of Israel will listen to you. I will make the Egyptians favorably disposed." See, this is the tricky place. First, God is saying, "I, the I AM, the One who was and is and will be, am sending you." And second, He isn't throwing him to the wolves saying, "Ok Moses, let's see what you can do," but instead says, "I am sending you into a well thought out plan and everything will be taken care of." Even if we know it is God asking us to do something, haven't you ever had the worry that He doesn't know what He is asking? Seems stupid to think that way if we remember this is the omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent God (I just always loved those 3 words from high school religion classes and you don't get to use them too often). This is the Alpha and the Omega. He probably knows a lot more of what is going on than we want to give Him credit for, but this a place where pride gets attacked.
But Moses still isn't convinced. He doubts God's plan, "What if they do not believe me..."
God shows Moses a bit of His power by causing the staff to turn into a snake and affecting Moses' hand with leprosy only to cure it. Amazing how God can give us evidence of His power and His guidance and we still turn away rationalizing or just ignoring it altogether.
Moses knows God has power now, but goes back to doubting himself, "I am slow of speech." Too easily we get caught up in what we see as our shortcomings and we don't remember that God created us. Sometimes He uses our gifts, but sometimes He uses us because we have a particular shortcoming, a place that people know it isn't us and could only be God. How beautiful! We are not created wrong. We are created in just the way God wants to use us. Will we let Him?
God reiterates that all is from Him-not Moses, "I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." God not only has the strategy laid out (and the actors responses), He is providing Moses with everything He needs. All He asks Moses for is willingness to serve.
God seems pretty convincing in all this, right? But Moses completely freaks. He chokes. "O, Lord, please send someone else to do it." I feel Moses' pain and fear. Everyone is going to think He lost His mind-God's chosen people and their enemy. He has already proven he doesn't have the best people skills after killing the Egyptian. The Hebrews weren't on his side about that either. Moses is a man without a people, a fugitive just trying to lay low, tending sheep and living with his wife's family. The timing is not good. God just seems to have lost His mind. Was it really God talking or just the hot sun? Surely if it is God and not the sun, well, He has to know of someone else who can do it...
One might at first take this to be humility, but not God. "Then the Lord's anger burned against Moses..." Really not wanting to be on God's bad side, not just because of the possible smite factor, but because I have ignored opportunities to "be sent" by God and I had this profound sense of regret/disappointment in my gut. I knew I had missed out on a grand adventure, but I also had the sense of disappointing God. Is that true? Can we disappoint a God who knows everything? I don't know. For today tho, I try to step into every adventure I am invited into.
The part I really love, and thought was very surprising, was that altho God was ticked, He already had a back up plan- "What about you brother, Aaron...He is already on his way..." This seems to have been what Moses really needed: God in skin to walk beside him. And don't we all need that? Someone to walk thru tough times with us? Times of fear and pain? Times of discernment and doubt? We never were meant to be islands.
I don't know that I am anymore willing than Moses, and I definitely have as many excuses. I pray for willingness to be willing and courage to face my fears. Still, when I hear Him calling, my first instinct is to remind Him how woefully inadequate I am, tho He seems to enjoy using our inadequacy. I beg off because I know so little, but He offers to teach me as I join with Him. And ultimately, tho I follow sometimes timidly, I so passionately want to join Him. Just to spend time with Him and be in adventure with Him is such giddiness. Why is it so hard to just say,