Die to self.
That is easier said than done, but it is also the beginning. I know that I cannot fix me...
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23,24
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5,6
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matt 11:28
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Matt 10:39
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Cor 5:17
Well, you get the idea. I die to the fact that I am able to do any of this. Even as a child of God, I rely on God more, not less, to grow and become more like Jesus. God can see the deepest places of my heart which I can too easily hide from myself. I trust Him to search out every thing that might offend Him and come between us. I ask Him to make me a new heart...new desires....new passions. He shows me which way to go. I rely on His wisdom, not mine. I rest in His sovereignty, not my will. I give up what I would make myself into, for that which my Father makes me.
And, as annoyed as I can get with myself, it is not really my job to critique God's work. Frankly, I made a mess of my life and my spirit trying to do it my way. Altho I have had some relief early, my first reflex is not always His and I need to intentionally refocus on Him and His work. I am God's work in progress, and for today that is ok. It was His Spirit that called me, soothed me, embraced me...why do I know figure I should be doing everything right? (Think Paul said this somewhere.) Certainly, I would not choose to continue to sin, but today I can text my prayer/accountability/encouragement partner, which I do, and memorize some verses to train my mind to focus on His things for me, which slips my mind easily.
Sometimes I think I should be grown tho the exact nature of this is that it gives me a false sense of pride and control, when what I really need is to be resting in Dad's work on me. I know anything He does is good. I know He has plans to mold me into an exceptional woman who gives all props to Him.
Help me in my unbelief!