In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth. Psalms 31:1-5 NIV
Last night, as I sought refuge in my God, I wrestled myself. Some sin touched home, like evil punched me in the gut, and I struggled to turn this person over to God's care. How can this happen? Why can't things change? Can God really take care of this? I had just been praying that God would reach him, but then this. Did it have to be so extreme? I suppose it always is.
Oh Father, break us gently. He doesn't know You can put him back together yet.
I want to turn him over, but I hesitate.
Dad went to the heart of it as usual. Am I good?
Of course you are. I know You are good. I know You only want good for us. Oh, but Father...
Most of my prayers just ended, Father...and drifted off in an emotional wave.
My stomach still hurts as the dawn breaks. Where is You grace, Father? Oh, Father....
Right here, He gently nudges me.
I am going back to bed. Maybe things will seem better with a little more sleep. Maybe I will have more reserves. Maybe I will keep struggling. But YOU will still be my refuge...You and Your Truth and Your people...my 3 refuges...my only refuge