Today I am blogging with the help of Tira who is sitting on my lap. This is the first night my grand daughter spent in my home. She is a little over 2 months old, but I am in awe over how much she has grown. As always, during the wee hours of the morning, God was showing me some things about Our relationship thru the time I am spending with Tira. Here are a few:
God knows what I need and is prepared for my needs. Sounds like a no brainer, right? As I dozed beside Tira last night, I heard her become restless. Before she was fully awake, I prepared her a bottle and a diaper. Then it occurred to me, might God not do the same? If I love her this much that I want her to be taken care of, wouldn't God, my Father, do the same for me? But haven't you ever prayed really hard hoping God gets the message that this is important? I forget, as I struggle to get mine or provide for my family or prove my self sufficiency, that my Father has, at the ready, everything I need. I can depend on Him.
God celebrates even the smallest growth. Tira is not an Einstein, not yet anyway. She can hold her head up for a few seconds. But after she ate, she laid in her little bassinet and we interacted. We smiled and giggled and cooed. This is new for her. I had never seen her laugh before and it was wonderful! She is different than she was just a week ago. Sure, her arms and legs wouldn't obey and she looked like a puppy dreaming tho she was awake. (And of course I pointed this out to her and we laughed again.) From this I realized, God enjoys watching me GROW not just who I will be. I don't need to go from ignorant sinner to spiritual giant. He loves and celebrates each step of my growth.
God isn't supposed to be understandable to me. I applauded her attempts to communicate with me verbally thru sighs and coos, as I thought about my crude attempts to communicate with my Father, the God of the universe. Bet there is a bit of a language barrier there, huh? Even more than between me and Tira. Maybe that is even why I can't always understand what the answers are to my prayers-not that He doesn't answer, but that I am just not able to understand much beyond His love for me.
God loves me just as I am. Yes, I can probably sing the first 2 verses of this hymn from memory, but where did I get the idea that I needed to be good for God? Where did I come up with the notion that I must be saintly to please my Father? Tira throws up on me and I don't even bat an eye. She is supposed to belch loudly and pass gas that explodes in her diaper and even vomit over my back. She is doing what she is supposed to be doing right now. She is who she is supposed to be right now. Why can't I? Why can't I allow myself to be who I am with my Father without apologizing? I love Tira up, cover her head with kisses, tell her how beautiful and wonderful she is, but I expect my dear loving Father to condemn me, to point out how I screwed up when I snapped at my coworker or wasn't as generous with my time to my husband as I ought.
God wants to spend time with me. I love this little girl. Seeing her grow and change and even just ponder what traits of me might show up and how we can go play in the park and go camping (yes, I did say that Valerie), these are the things that make up my tender dreams when she is not near me. Does God dream of spending time with me? How odd, when He has so many more holy, learned people to hang with, that He might dream of me. And, maybe like my grand daughter, I am learning to look into my gentle Father's face and see His love for me. It is still strange and unfamiliar at times, but the love is seductive and embraces me.
Time to go love up my dear g-babe some more.