For the last 2 Sundays, we have been studying this passage first from the perspective of the woman, then yesterday looking at the Pharisee. But something that was briefly glossed over was Simon talking to himself.
Simon was talking to himself, probably thinking to himself, "This guy can't be a prophet. If he were...."
Jesus, at that time, was accepting the grateful ministrations of a woman who had sinned. Her gratitude seems to tell us that she has been set free, and Jesus was her savior.
Now most of the time all we see in this exchange is that Simon is judging the woman. I admit that is all I really got as well. Yesterday, tho, I became aware of Simon judging God, his character, his wisdom, his choices. And I got a bit convicted by it.
How often have I told God what job I want, what man I want, how I want the man to change, what car, what healing, what whatever? Sure, it is right to tell Father that I need a job, but that is not what most do. We give an order, like my Christmas lists as a child when I wrote 2 pages of toys and trinkets but starred the ones I really wanted, knowing that my parents would look at those in particular. And then, just like I mentally ran thru my list Christmas morning while I opened up the presents, I wait for the specific answer I asked Father to provide.
Of course, I didn't always get what I wanted for Christmas. We were kinda poor. There were times I felt a twinge of rejection if I didn't get what I wanted. Same goes for God. When his answer is different than mine, there is this doubt that creeps up, much like Simon's questioning: If God is really there, why doesn't he do something? Why is there such suffering? Why won't he talk to us? Why won't he make things clearer? Why am I given this station when I could do more here? Why did he get the job when I had such plans for God here?
Of course, from there I turn to Job 42:1-6 where Job comes face to face with God's answer and replies,"My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."
I cannot know what God plans, but I know that God's plans are good....and more to the point, they are GOD'S plans. I am a blip in the whole of his plans, in the whole of HIS story. He knows what he is doing with me, and I know I can trust him. Now I need to trust him with all of me. I need to allow him to work thru me, rather than me working for him. All I need is HIM.