Yesterday we started a series entitled, Embracing the Mysterious God, by looking at God's triune nature.
It started out a little dry for me. My mind wandered. Was it because it was our week to watch the video feed or because I grew up making the sign of the Cross...In the name of the Father, I touch my forehead, in the name of the Son, my fingertips tap my chest, in the name of the Holy, over to the left shoulder, Spirit, right shoulder, Amen...or because I had already transcribed the bulletin's notes to my personal notebook? It doesn't really matter. I was missing the point anyway.
God's 3 Persons/1 Essence, His triune nature, makes Him a community.
I am not a community, altho there are sometimes enough voices in my head that I begin to wonder.
Can you even picture it: three unique persons with such deep admiration and trust in each other that they submit to each other, are mutually dependent on each other, and honor each other without fear? A community of Love that spilt out creation, that pursues us, that loves us back to Itself, that delights when we participate in Love.
I have trouble imagining this dance of God's, and it makes me honestly look at whether I do community "well." I do not trust easily. One of my favorite quotes is "Trust God, love people." I don't like being dependent on people. I don't even call my best friend during a crisis if it is after 9pm. I text her so that in the morning she will read the email into which I poured my heart. There are times I have had difficulty celebrating someone else because a sinister voice in my head whispers things like, "Why do they deserve it more than [whoever or even me]?"
I don't want to be so fearful and self-centered. I don't want to need to keep people at a distance for fear that I might lose them or lose myself in them. I don't want to be so guarded that I cannot let people love me. So I repent, and seek Him, seeking His love to teach me to love.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit...amen.