So I listened to Sunday's message via podcast since we played hooky on Lake Ontario. It was the final week of the Mysterious God series and the topic was: The Will of God.
Don't we all want to know what we "should" do? Is this the "right" job, man, woman, school, whatever-your-need-is choice?
We agonize, "If it is Your will..." and then often end up confused. Was that a sign?
I admit, I get bogged down here sometimes. I am not really happy with my job sometimes. The choice of career was more practical than passionate. I chose security. Now, I would rather fly with passionate dreams. I prefer to spend my time writing, mentoring, dreaming. But, one does gotta pay the bills and so I drag myself off to my "real" job, all the while wondering if my "vocation" is God's true will.
A few things in the message really clicked for me:
We can get more bogged down in deciding God's will rather than in being in relationship with Him.
God's ultimate will for my life is GOD.
Corny as it may sound, my desire to hang out in His will has less to do with doing the "right" thing than being able to hang out WITH Him. But, why do I struggle with NOT finding Him in my current job? I know my answer, embarrassing as it is...I forget about Him because He is not my focus. I focus on being competent, in control of out of control situations, being fully prepared and on alert. Of course, I ask His help and thank Him for all His provisions, but when it comes down to it, I rely more on myself.
So what it God's will for me?
To know Him and to love Him and to worship Him...to be in relationship with Him.
I can construe all other sorts of stuff. I can believe if I pray a magic prayer that I will get my desires...but you know in the worst moments, I prayed to die. I hated myself and my life and saw no way out. Should I doubt God that He didn't answer that prayer or should I think Him? When He doesn't remove my physical pain, I thank Him because He is teaching me to rely on Him and slowing me down to notice little things that I often run past. Should I instead be mad at Him or decide He must not love me? Is only good, my idea of good, the things I should accept from God? Might He not know better? Might I not know what "good" really is?
And because I don't know, I seek God, in prayer, in His Word, in others. I pray, not so much for things, but that I can know His will better and that His will can become mine. See, my will gets me resentments, depression, greed, isolation, and eventually death. His will has brought me life, hope, joy, grace...