Friday, October 9, 2009

For Melissa







I got a text message yesterday from Dad. Ok, God didn't press send, but my friend Melissa did. She knows this week has been hard. Changes, death, fear...


"Keep looking into My eyes. U r walking on water with Me."


I had forgotten I stepped out of the boat. I had forgotten I was walking toward Him, with Him. The waves and the wind distracted me.

Wonder if that is how Peter began to sink also...


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It is so easy to lose focus, isn't it?

This being the 10th month, my recovery group is studying the 10th step-We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Complacency is our enemy. We feel like we have arrived somewhere, and we take a break. Life gets busy, and we let some chores go. Then, well, something happens...something hits the fan...someone hits the fan...everything is suddenly wrong and all mixed up.

What I suffer from, more than anything, is being a control freak who is powerless. I forget that sometimes. I forget that the One in my life who has power is my God. I forget that I can rest with Him managing things. I just lose my mind for a while until my husband is frustrated, my stomach is churning, sleep is elusive, and I am exhausted.

Can't say it is comfortable.

So why don't I stop it, you ask?

There is this saying: "You can't do better 'til you know better." I know all these things in my brain and some in my heart, but I haven't been able to get them down into my gut, where my reactions and my reflexes originate. Just don't know how that happens. Didn't Ezekiel or someone have to eat a scroll, eat God's word? Maybe that is the way these things find their way into your belly?

Until then, pray for me. I'm praying for you.

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