I got a text message yesterday from Dad. Ok, God didn't press send, but my friend Melissa did. She knows this week has been hard. Changes, death, fear...
"Keep looking into My eyes. U r walking on water with Me."
I had forgotten I stepped out of the boat. I had forgotten I was walking toward Him, with Him. The waves and the wind distracted me.
Wonder if that is how Peter began to sink also...
It is so easy to lose focus, isn't it?
This being the 10th month, my recovery group is studying the 10th step-We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Complacency is our enemy. We feel like we have arrived somewhere, and we take a break. Life gets busy, and we let some chores go. Then, well, something happens...something hits the fan...someone hits the fan...everything is suddenly wrong and all mixed up.
What I suffer from, more than anything, is being a control freak who is powerless. I forget that sometimes. I forget that the One in my life who has power is my God. I forget that I can rest with Him managing things. I just lose my mind for a while until my husband is frustrated, my stomach is churning, sleep is elusive, and I am exhausted.
Can't say it is comfortable.
So why don't I stop it, you ask?
There is this saying: "You can't do better 'til you know better." I know all these things in my brain and some in my heart, but I haven't been able to get them down into my gut, where my reactions and my reflexes originate. Just don't know how that happens. Didn't Ezekiel or someone have to eat a scroll, eat God's word? Maybe that is the way these things find their way into your belly?
Until then, pray for me. I'm praying for you.