Sunday, December 13, 2009
I used to believe in reincarnation. Well, I cannot explain why I believed, except that I wanted it to be so. I wanted there to be more than what there is, wanted a chance to do things better. I no longer believe in reincarnation, but it has been replaced with a nagging question: what now?
If this one life is all I have, have I done enough? If I have only one life to care for others, to love others, to give to others, to support others, have I done enough? If I have only one life to love, have I forgiven enough, have I let go of the past, have I dreamnt big enough? If I have only one life, have I laughed enough, learned enough, cried enough, created enough?
Since I only have this life, and it could end anytime, why do I fret so? Why do I not belly laugh more? Why do I worry about money? Why do I think I should make my bed? Why do I not think I should go on a trip? Why do I not tell my husband I love him more?
If all I have is simply grace and that even thru God's grace, why do am I anxious to hold onto everything so tightly? It is like trying to hold onto a snowflake. I lose the blessing as it escapes me.