I just arrived home after attending a very sweet bridal shower. The bride-to-be is giddy with excitement, and altho I would not say the groom-to-be is giddy, he is certainly eagerly looking forward to the coming day. Her excitement made the air of the party electric, and it was impossible not to be effected. I thought of my own wedding, how good it has been to be married, and how much more I love him today than I did when we said our vows. Turning back to the shower, I wondered if she might think the same thing in their future.
All the bridal giddiness made me think about how I respond to God, of course. You see the association, right? Yeah, me neither, until I heard some interesting thoughts this past week on how we relate to God. I can't remember who or when or where, but it changed the way I prayed.
Altho confession and repentance are good things, we also need to walk into, and in, the love God offers. The thought was that many of us batter God with a litany of our sins. Imagine if my husband comes home and all I do is complain about myself and tell him each thing I did wrong the whole day. One after another, I just pummel him with all my shortcomings. Certainly, there are days I feel dreadful about something I did and feel like I let him down. One those days, my husband listens until he embraces me, shortcomings and all, reassuring me that he is with me and loves me anyway. If this mere man can love me like this, how much more does God love me?
I think we sell God's ability to love rather short. Probably it is related to how unlovely we see ourselves, but that really is the wrong way of looking at ourselves, anyway. These thoughts have changed how I pray. I have been entering my prayer time this week from a place of wonder that God sees me as lovely instead of focusing solely on my shortcomings.
The past couple weeks have been challenging. Growth usually is. Sometimes I wish Jesus would just show up; I am tired. And today, after the bridal shower, I asked myself if that is the right perspective? I am begging Him to show up like a mother who waits for the father to come home so she can have a break and he can deal with the family hassles. Should I really be that familiar? Assuming that I know something, that I know better than God? Instead, I think that I should be as giddy as my friend. Sure, the wait has been long and frustrating at times, but the day is coming! My Beloved will come for me! And it is indeed very exciting...