How do you see....

I was angry earlier this week.  While I want to buy into submission, all I have ever seen associated with it is a twisted devaluing of the marriage relationship.  Never have I seen it pleasant or what I would consider godly.  My grandmother, who is probably one of the most God fearing women I know, once told me that how she saw submission is the man is the head, but the woman is the neck that turns the head.

I "get" that, but it has left me dissatisfied with a sense of underhandedness that I am sure she did not mean.

Must we be so covert in our dealings with our spouse as to allow him to "think" that he is in charge because he is too dumb to realize that he isn't?

Or is there a way to honor both the husband and the wife in a relationship, not at the expense of the other?

While I have been wrestling with this subject, a friend, who is not a Christian, was listening to what I was working through this week.  I casually mentioned this topic of submission and she gasped, "You don't believe in that do you?!?!"

My nonChristian friends see me as submissive because I pack my husband's lunch or ask him before I fill my schedule.  I don't see it as submissive, just being courteous to someone who shares my house and caring about making sure that he and I have time together. 

I will continue to wrestle with this-not because I am rebellious, tho I am-but because I love my life with my husband and I know that God hasn't given us marriage merely as permission to have sex.  We have been married too long to believe that anyway.  

Everytime I think that we are getting somewhere, arriving, that it is getting easier, God chuckles and throws us something new.  I really do love my life and my God.

And my husband. 

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