A New Year's Possibilities

I like to pretend that I don't need too much.  If you make dinner, I will eat what you serve, though later you may find that I wince if it moos or clucks, as a few friends have.  If you have a preference, I probably won't.  But I don't want you to know that I rely on you, either.

Perhaps it is some old instinct to keep me safe.  It doesn't really matter.  What matters is that I know it is a lie and I don't know what to do about it.

I don't want to need to be part of a community, but I need mirrors and cheerleaders and safe places.  I don't want to rely on you, to be an imposition on you, but I am needy-for encouragement and for guidance. 

More people wished me a happy birthday today than the total of the years that I have been alive.  Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised.  I am a friendly and helpful enough person.  Though in reality, it is more simple: I am not that old!  But I do wonder, why is it that I am so afraid of you?  Why do I expect you to not understand?  Why do I still prefer the fringes than to ride the waves?

Maybe I will learn to surf.  Maybe this year will be the one that I throw caution to the wind and become a part of.  Maybe.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Nice to see your blogging again sister. I hear you with being afraid. Suggestion for ya: drop the maybes. Hit a surfboard and catch a wave. Don't think about it, just go for it cos if you're anything like me (and I hate to say it but it sounds like you are)think about it too long and you'll think your way right back out of it.

love ya more than a cherry and coconut flapjack
Bev
Karmen said…
It is strange that so many of us feel that way. I do think this is your year to ride the waves though. Happy Birthday Jaime!
Jaime Plank said…
LOL Bev, a cherry and coconut flapjack?????? You are a nut...and I love you!
Jaime Plank said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jaime Plank said…
Thanks Karmen. I do believe it is, too. A little scary, but God is doing something crazy! :)

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