Tuesday, May 21, 2013
A New Year's Possibilities
Perhaps it is some old instinct to keep me safe. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that I know it is a lie and I don't know what to do about it.
I don't want to need to be part of a community, but I need mirrors and cheerleaders and safe places. I don't want to rely on you, to be an imposition on you, but I am needy-for encouragement and for guidance.
More people wished me a happy birthday today than the total of the years that I have been alive. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. I am a friendly and helpful enough person. Though in reality, it is more simple: I am not that old! But I do wonder, why is it that I am so afraid of you? Why do I expect you to not understand? Why do I still prefer the fringes than to ride the waves?
Maybe I will learn to surf. Maybe this year will be the one that I throw caution to the wind and become a part of. Maybe.