Wednesday, July 31, 2013

PTL Club



I remember watching this show, with an interested skepticism, as a kid. I still am quite skeptical about people that go around "praise the Lord" about every good thing. Not that God isn't amazing and deserves props. But I wonder whether those people would praise God when life hits the fan, too.

More to my point is whether have.

This has been my meditation today. I didn't sleep well because every time I turned, I hit a new bruise that I wasn't aware I had. I have had to slow down, not getting as much done, because I have been getting out of breath too easily. And tomorrow morning I have the pleasure (NOT) of visiting the Silver Mosquito. 

Perhaps I am just being my rebellious self, but I don't want to praise God because I am ok. I want to give Him props for giving me more evidence that, despite being vulnerable physically, emotionally, & spiritually with this illness, I can trust Him with myself. I am more conscious of the gifts of each breath and each relationship and each experience-from the pain and fear that causes me to rely on you and lean into Him to the sweet joy & gratitude that I find in every day. Tonite I overheard a friend telling another that she was grateful my situation had changed, and I could make time to meet with her. That situation was my needing to take a break from school because I had gotten behind while dealing with these "clots & shots."

I giggled, but she thought I was making fun of her.  I told her how this has been my meditation today and it was as though God was affirming it through her comment.

Now, certainly, I would rather learn lessons without discomfort. I am a stubborn creature, though, so often I require some pain to motivate me to reach out, to you, to Him. And perhaps it is not the clots that I should be praising God for as much as the way He has used these experiences to benefit me. Whatever. It doesn't matter quite as much to me as knowing that He is good and He cares for me through all these things. I will praise Him for His goodness and faithfulness and mercy-whether things work out my way or not. My circumstances are fickle. I am grateful that my God is not.


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