What now?


Please don't feel you need to read this gobbly gook.  I am kinda lost today so this will be all crap.

I don't sleep well.  Not because the bed is uncomfortable anymore, but because I am praying in gratitude for my husband and the ability to reach out and touch his arm and hear him snore.

I look around at all the stuff that was so vital to my life.  And I wonder.  What is the point of it?  I want to sell it and get the hitch on the pop up fixed and pack up the pups and go.  Let's drive anywhere.  Everywhere.  All those places that we want to see but we put off because we don't have the money or the time.

I listen to people's annoyances, read the crap on Facebook and I want to tell everyone to shut up and get a life.  Share a recipe.  Make it for someone you love.  Go spend some time with them.  But get out of my face.  I just don't care.

I am not conscious of the thought that my struggle is worse than yours.  I know that it isn't.  I just cannot help you right now.  I haven't any desire to.

And all this brings me to tears.  I want my old life back still.  I don't know what all this means.  Will this selfish attitude wear off?  Will I get to love others like I did?  Will I be nosy and energized by argument like I was?  Or will I always be a whimp who can't bother and flips you the bird as she walks off?

Sweet husband says, "Chill, silly woman."  I am trying.  I am. 

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