I need a new job. Like last week. Or maybe last month.
I have been hanging on, barely, but not sure how much longer I can hang. So, I pray. Especially about this one that sounds just right and I already have lots of ideas for them...
And it is then that I begin to struggle: is God a magician or Santa?
When I really need something, I feel awkward praying about it. I want to surrender the outcome, but I can't. I go back to my childhood when someone taught me to end my prayers with "in Jesus name" if it was really serious as well as acknowledging his power and "thanking him in advance" as a show of faith. Magician Jesus...abracadabra, in your name, I thank you for letting me win the lottery-of course I will tithe it too!
But, alas, I know there are no magic words, no hidden code, no phrase to unlock the power to fulfill my desires or needs.
Which is where Santa Jesus steps in. Maybe I have been good enough? Maybe God will bless me with it if I wish really hard and am charitable to those around me? Oh no! I almost cussed at my husband. Good I caught myself. Santa Jesus might be watching.
'Course, that doesn't work either. I know I am never good enough. I may fool YOU, but God and I are not fooled. We know how cruddy my heart can get. This is the one thing I have no confusion about.
And even if I were confused on that one, there are so many individuals who I know are in much dire situations. Frankly, I make my own messes most of the time.
Letting God being God is the only thing to do, but it is also more scary. That means he has his own plans and his own agendas which may have absolutely nothing in common with mine. My ideas and schemes and schedules quite possibly become meaningless. And believe me, I really do WANT to be cool with his ideas...I just am not sure I have patience for his rabbit trails which are always good adventures, but when the time is not so desperate...
I know God's will for me is better and sweeter than mine for myself because I see so poorly and can easily be torn by desires and emotions.
Today I choose neither the magician nor a jolly elf.
Today I choose the God of the universe whose faithfulness, wisdom, and goodness far surpass Santa or Houdini. Today I choose He who was, is, and will be while my job and my life are ticks on a clock. This one decision, this one job, is merely a chapter in the whole of my story.
I will choose to trust the Author of the story, not the tale itself.