Grace-period

I have spent a lot of time comparing myself to others.  When I was in first grade, one girl was given permission to read chapter books like Nancy Drew.  She got a lot of attention since she was considered gifted. I didn't care about the attention, but I wanted to read the special books, too.  I am not sure if I was simply competitive or if I was jealous, but I worked and read until I could also be given that privilege. Comparison can help us do well and learn to choose what is better. It can be a hindrance as well. I was put into a special reading group when I was in 3rd grade. The kids in this class needed extra help.  I was confused.  We had moved to this new school during 2nd grade, and it had been a challenging transition.  Mom had a new boyfriend.  We moved from our city home to an apartment complex where we had to ride a bus.  We had to make new friends. I thought I was a good reader, but since they put me in this new class, maybe I wasn...

This adventure, following Jesus, can be strange-often exhilarating, but sometimes intimidating. Still, there isn't anywhere else I would rather be. If there were no life with Him, there would be no life. Yeah, our relationship can seem complicated, but that often is a reflection of me. My heart is full of fears,  unwillingness, pride, and limits. Create in me a new heart, Lord.  I wish that this weren't the case, but it is (again and again).  People are funny, thinking that Christians believe they are different than others, better than others. I wish. I am so acutely aware of my shortcomings, but that leads me to being aware of how good, how faithful, and how gracious God is. Remember me when you are in Your kingdom. In odd ways, God reminds me that He is with me and that He cares for me. It could be a weird day full of potential coincidences-which might be supernatural, or it could be encouraging friends praying for me. No matter how it happens, I am certain wh...

If Jesus and I updated our relationship status on Facebook, our relationship status would have to be "It's Complicated." When friends struggle with their significant others, they sometimes change their relationship status, maybe to annoy the other or send an indirect message, that they are on shaky ground. I wouldn't say Jesus and I are struggling in that way, but something is going on. It's been a rough year with lots of change and losses. It has been dark and disorienting at times. There were times that a voice whispered that "you have the chance to choose-life or death right here" and somehow I found the courage to choose life, to accept help, to pursue treatment. But there has been an unexpected cost for me due to this process and this bad year. I am not the same person that I was before.  Each experience chipped something away...a sense of self, an understanding of purpose, personal security, pride, a level of independence. I want to believe t...