I am not praying today. I can't. I think about it. I try, but then I end up with a "screw it, today sucks."
(How is that for "messing things up" Chris?)
Here I am, trying to focus my life on God and I am too tired, too empty. All I can do is sit. Everything is quiet within me. Day 3 of the squabble has sapped the last from me. I am tired of crying. I cannot apologize more. I am done. It is not in my hands anymore. (Was it ever?)
So I sit. I listen to the emptiness. I feel the broken edges. I cannot make a move toward God. I am utterly reliant on Him to care, to redeem, to forgive. There is no bargain, no dance, no joy, no sunshine. The storm has stopped raging, but it is not over. Not in my heart. I embrace him because He told me to. I cry because I cannot prevent it.
Maybe tomorrow the sun will come out.