Who am I?
Isn't this the age old question?
Why do I answer a question with a question only to add another?
I am getting older. News flash, huh? But I have been struggling lately with the thought that I have not "done" enough. What is "enough," tho? When a friend from high school turned up in the obituary page having died unexpectedly, I wanted to quit my job, sell all my belongings and run off to some country to "make a difference." I had to actually restrain myself from resigning. Well, I knew my husband would have a cow, too.
The good thing about getting older is that I realize I am not ever, ever, ever going to fit into someone's cookie cutter idea of who I should be. And that isn't always about my rebellious streak or my weight :-) It is more about I am coming to terms with the woman that God is molding me into.
I am this loud, rowdy, belly laugh. Thankfully, I recognize this to be an attribute of my Father so I am ok with that. I am not demure and content. There is too much to explore and create. Again, I think I get that from my Father.
I have this weird leaning toward leadership. I played "pastor" as a kid when others were playing house. And yet, I am a girl. Altho I used to think God made a mistake in this, I just think God was having fun. Maybe trying to see if I would trust His judgement, which I so did NOT do for a very long time about this. Now, no matter what my job is, I know my vocation is loving and guiding and teaching others. The fact that Dad even trusts me with that is so humbling.
I can be opinionated and strong willed, but I am also interested and loyal. I am messy and a mess but also emotionally and spiritually committed to learning and loving and struggling with all this. I am sarcastic and will pick a fight just to get a reaction, but I also love to hug and laugh.
I wished I could be someone different, to fit in, to be accepted, to blend in, but I can't and I only have so much time left, so rather than try to fit into someone else's mold, I am gonna live as much and love as fully and laugh as heartily as I can. I pray that you will join me in this love affair with Grace. I pray that one day Dad will call us over and we will still be laughing and He will laugh bigger than all of us. Until someone pees because they laugh so hard and then...well, you know what happens then.