Who am I?



Isn't this the age old question?


Why do I answer a question with a question only to add another?


I am getting older. News flash, huh? But I have been struggling lately with the thought that I have not "done" enough. What is "enough," tho? When a friend from high school turned up in the obituary page having died unexpectedly, I wanted to quit my job, sell all my belongings and run off to some country to "make a difference." I had to actually restrain myself from resigning. Well, I knew my husband would have a cow, too.


The good thing about getting older is that I realize I am not ever, ever, ever going to fit into someone's cookie cutter idea of who I should be. And that isn't always about my rebellious streak or my weight :-) It is more about I am coming to terms with the woman that God is molding me into.


I am this loud, rowdy, belly laugh. Thankfully, I recognize this to be an attribute of my Father so I am ok with that. I am not demure and content. There is too much to explore and create. Again, I think I get that from my Father.


I have this weird leaning toward leadership. I played "pastor" as a kid when others were playing house. And yet, I am a girl. Altho I used to think God made a mistake in this, I just think God was having fun. Maybe trying to see if I would trust His judgement, which I so did NOT do for a very long time about this. Now, no matter what my job is, I know my vocation is loving and guiding and teaching others. The fact that Dad even trusts me with that is so humbling.


I can be opinionated and strong willed, but I am also interested and loyal. I am messy and a mess but also emotionally and spiritually committed to learning and loving and struggling with all this. I am sarcastic and will pick a fight just to get a reaction, but I also love to hug and laugh.


I wished I could be someone different, to fit in, to be accepted, to blend in, but I can't and I only have so much time left, so rather than try to fit into someone else's mold, I am gonna live as much and love as fully and laugh as heartily as I can. I pray that you will join me in this love affair with Grace. I pray that one day Dad will call us over and we will still be laughing and He will laugh bigger than all of us. Until someone pees because they laugh so hard and then...well, you know what happens then.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Count me in...as long as I don't have to clean up the pee!
November 7, 2008 at 1:04 PM
Me said…
LOL Nah, hopefully with the resurrection of the body everyone also has good bladder control resurrected, no matter how old ya are!
November 7, 2008 at 10:56 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Blog Carnival: Community

Image
Blog Carnival: Community Community is getting to be a buzzword that hardly seems recognizable.  It has become permanently connected with a metrosexual worship leader at the hip church which has an outreach into some impoverished place.  But is that community? Yesterday I wrote about Facebook's social networking site.  Did you know that there are more than 300 million active users and that 50% of their active users (returned to the site in the last 30 days) log on to Facebook in any given day and that the average user has 130 friends on the site? Is that community? Do we really have a community or do we talk so much about it and request friends by the busload because we desire it intensely? We were made for community.  Creator said it was not good for that first man to be alone.  Even Creator was not alone.  We need to walk with others.  We need our village.  We need them to not only walk with us a...
Read more

He's Calling

Image
I didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up, wanting to write. Those nights are annoying, particularly when I am working 12 hours the next day so I have no business getting out of bed to write. But here is the thing that kept bugging me...what if God is calling us not to greatness, but to smallness? Yeah, weird thing to keep a person awake, huh? Our group that went to the Leadership Summit are praying for ways that we can put what we learned into practice. Look around your neighborhood-there is so much need. Look around your coworkers-enough need to depress you. Look around the world-so much need it can paralyze. And then I think about this thing with callings... What if it isn't about being called to a thing, but to be like Him? What if it doesn't matter where I am or what I do but how I do it? What if His only desire is for me to respond to this broken world as He does? Right where I am? Jesus stopped to love the kids, he held up important people to talk to a woman, ...
Read more

The Reason for the Season

Image
This post is participating in today's blog carnival on the word LOVE.  To read other posts, click here . As all my friends texted holiday wishes this Christmas, one stood out.  This one seemed to go against all the "Keep Christ in Christmas" and "Jesus is the reason for the season" bumper stickers.  This text said simply, U r the reason 4 the season. At first I thought she wrote it incorrectly, so I read it again looking for the typo.  But, there wasn't one. That's when it hit me: without me, there wouldn't be a need for Christmas. Ok, so that sounds somewhat egocentric, but hang in there with me.  God is this crazy amazing being made of love.  It is out of that crazy, amazing love that he chose to step into flesh, to show us that God does love us and that he didn't abandon us to the evil that surrounds us, to bring us back to this relationship.  God, the first and greatest lover, pursues us, rescues us.  O...
Read more