I have been meditating on the sin nature. Jesus came to save us from the penalty of sin->sin->sin nature.
It is easy enough to ask for forgiveness. It is easy to ask to be saved from the temptation of sin, and sometimes we even mean it. But what about from our sin nature, which I am also translating as personality.
My personality is geared toward self centered interests-approval of others, praise for my intelligence, anger when I am ignored or insulted....sounds like sin nature to me. It is hard to be transparent, even to a God who is omniscient, about the place where we will sin because we simply can not sin.
I have been despairing how woefully inadequate I am...and yet also aching with desire to serve Him. A catch I have found is that I am picky, my personality coming in again, at how I would like to serve Him. It is my personality, my desires which cause me so much trouble. I realized the other day that my back pain has been much better but my time with God much less. I leaned on Him so much during my worst days that I would thank Him for my pain because it was the vehicle that caused me to cling to Him. Now, I see how easily I fall back on my personality, my sense of rightness, my ideas. Can I learn to cling to Him because my personality ails me?