Snotty thoughts


I am still fighting a cold today, so I have been hanging on the sofa watching movies.  Just done watching Kung Fu Panda.  The part of this movie that caught my brain was that this fluffy, chunky, clumsy, & somewhat dense panda was supposed to be a martial arts master altho he knew he wasn't really.

I feel like that a lot.  I am also fluffy, chunky, clumsy, & somewhat dense quite often.  Am I who I am supposed to be?  Am I even on the right track?  A friend was relating a story of a recent date that he had with girlfriend and how offensive the show was.  I actually had seen and liked the show and thought it was "real."

Is there supposed to be a chasm between "real" and "Christian?"  And, worse yet, am I a bad Christian?

I am loud and opinionated, I drop the f bomb every so often (tho not so often), I am not worried about being around gay & bisexuals (unless they think I am cute-LOL), I don't want to convert my Jewish friends (unless God leads them to it), and I have a occasional smoke when the anxiety gets to be too much.  I know it has become en vogue to have "Bible & Beer" or "Wine & Wisdom" groups based on an understanding of Christian liberties, but I haven't heard of a "Smoke & Spurgeon" yet.

Sometimes I feel lost, unsure.  Not sure if I could conform if I really wanted to, but sometimes I yearn for the safety that comes from conformity.  And then I wonder if this isn't some trick of my pride-if I know how I measure up, my confidence will be in myself, and not in God.

I don't believe I can bend God, apply enough pressure thru good deeds and holy thoughts, that I can get my own way.  I do believe that when I bend to God, attempting to align my will with his, that there is a peace and congruence in my spirit.  Is that even possible when conformity is based on what we see in the others around us instead of being focused on God?

Losing my job has removed so much control from my life.  I was in control over how many hours I worked, how things were done, how people were treated, how much money I would make.  Now I am drifting, uncertainly waiting, desiring that God is in control, desiring that I will be able to find constancy in him and his provision.

Comments

Gigi said…
What about knowing that He is in control?? Would that bring any comfort??

I hope that sounds as curious as I mean it....I am convinced you and I are sisters from another mother...we seem to think alot alivke and while you are way braver and riskier than me I like to think maybe someday ...you know??
March 19, 2010 at 11:38 AM
Me said…
I also believe we are related, dear sister, but I would say YOU are the braver and wiser one. LOL

Dad being in control definitely brings some comfort...still have a "but" in there, tho. Long ago learned everything after "but" is BS so I won't even go there. Will just stop with, Dad is in control and I like it.

One of my prayers is actually that I may recognize his guidance because I know he loves me best-more than my earthly parents, my dearest friends, my sisters for other misters, and even myself.
March 19, 2010 at 12:16 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Blog Carnival: Community

Image
Blog Carnival: Community Community is getting to be a buzzword that hardly seems recognizable.  It has become permanently connected with a metrosexual worship leader at the hip church which has an outreach into some impoverished place.  But is that community? Yesterday I wrote about Facebook's social networking site.  Did you know that there are more than 300 million active users and that 50% of their active users (returned to the site in the last 30 days) log on to Facebook in any given day and that the average user has 130 friends on the site? Is that community? Do we really have a community or do we talk so much about it and request friends by the busload because we desire it intensely? We were made for community.  Creator said it was not good for that first man to be alone.  Even Creator was not alone.  We need to walk with others.  We need our village.  We need them to not only walk with us a...
Read more

He's Calling

Image
I didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up, wanting to write. Those nights are annoying, particularly when I am working 12 hours the next day so I have no business getting out of bed to write. But here is the thing that kept bugging me...what if God is calling us not to greatness, but to smallness? Yeah, weird thing to keep a person awake, huh? Our group that went to the Leadership Summit are praying for ways that we can put what we learned into practice. Look around your neighborhood-there is so much need. Look around your coworkers-enough need to depress you. Look around the world-so much need it can paralyze. And then I think about this thing with callings... What if it isn't about being called to a thing, but to be like Him? What if it doesn't matter where I am or what I do but how I do it? What if His only desire is for me to respond to this broken world as He does? Right where I am? Jesus stopped to love the kids, he held up important people to talk to a woman, ...
Read more

The Reason for the Season

Image
This post is participating in today's blog carnival on the word LOVE.  To read other posts, click here . As all my friends texted holiday wishes this Christmas, one stood out.  This one seemed to go against all the "Keep Christ in Christmas" and "Jesus is the reason for the season" bumper stickers.  This text said simply, U r the reason 4 the season. At first I thought she wrote it incorrectly, so I read it again looking for the typo.  But, there wasn't one. That's when it hit me: without me, there wouldn't be a need for Christmas. Ok, so that sounds somewhat egocentric, but hang in there with me.  God is this crazy amazing being made of love.  It is out of that crazy, amazing love that he chose to step into flesh, to show us that God does love us and that he didn't abandon us to the evil that surrounds us, to bring us back to this relationship.  God, the first and greatest lover, pursues us, rescues us.  O...
Read more