Grace-period

Jesus, Lord of my life... How are you my Lord and I am a mess? I want to follow you so much that it twists my insides in the longing , But my outsides remain frustrated, short tempered, and accused. Lord of all creation... You have power and authority over all things,  But you have not brought this struggling soul into full submission.  LORD... You are the I AM,  But I am in need, of nothing as much as your power.  These defects, in response and in personality, strangle me, Leeching the now and even the yet to be from me.  They steal my hope and snatch the meager dreams that I dare.  I am without shelter or care in this long night. The full bodied moon mocks me as it dances playfully with sheer clouds. I am alone. I am broken, and I am trapped within my brokenness.  Change me. CHANGE ME.  Lord, I beg. LORD, I beg. But I know I am not worth your glance, your pause.  I am inconsequential...

I like to belly laugh but dislike soul shaken sobs I raise my face to the wind but turn away from the sun I believe better is possible but know worst is probable I desire to respond in faith but tend to react in fear I follow after one but travel with the many I am here and I am no where These threads between now and then and yet...bind me to unchanging Unchanging internally but with two natures Solid resignation with sprinkle of hope Mid night blue drapes and a spattering of crystal diamonds Always the same but never steady

Christmas season is here.  Families are going into closets for decorations, tidying up for visitors, making preparations for parties. But that doesn't mean that their lives stop.  Daily life continues and messes will be made.  When the visitors come and the parties happen, there may be a place that the host would rather their guests not see, or at least not look closely.  It could be dust on a shelf that was missed or the children's room or the garage.  It could be a room named "the junk room" or sometimes called a craft room where odds and ends are tucked away, or piled. We all have some piles somewhere. That is what I woke up praying about today. Father, I need you.  I need your help.  My life piles around me-books to be read and books read but not returned to their shelf, clothing to wash and clothing washed but not slipped into drawers, school work to complete and school work to put those finishing touches on so it can be sent off for grading....