Thursday, July 10, 2008

Continuing the Walk




Ok, well, praying this morning led me somewhere else with all this.


I have been experimenting with praying about what I perceive as my needs/desires for a couple weeks as I have been exploring this topic. Terry's dog Molly ran off one Wednesday and I prayed for her to be returned, gently....then I prayed that God would just watch over her while I couldn't...that sort of polite request....but it was never the "right" prayer. I never had relief. I was anxious and preoccupied. I thought I had to keep "turning over" as I "took it back" but the thing was, when I realized that Molly was where-ever she was and was having whatever journey, what I needed most was peace, not the dog. So that became the focus of my prayer. Now, yeah, by Friday afternoon I told God I had had enough and I wanted my dog back now...NOT polite or beating around the bush. And that evening she was home...and friends of friends (who we know, but barely) had been caring for her the whole time, not even knowing she was our dog.


Then this morning I gingerly set out to work, worried because I was scheduled to work 12 hours and my pain level has been very high this week and I wasn't sure I could make it thru the whole shift. I started out asking God to give me the things I needed to get thru the day....then to just take the pain away....then to help me have faith that He was taking care of me if He wanted me to be in pain for some purpose...then I realized that what I needed was to just have the ability to work or function somehow...but that was the wrong prayer, too. What I really needed, was for my husband to be happy and comfortable (which he seems to get from my income) and for me to not become a burden to Terry (either because of the injury or just lack of income).


(Now, I still had pain today,but it was very manageable. I wasn't instantly cured and I may have more pain tomorrow, but I made it thru the day with very few interventions and no meds. Somewhere, cocooned in this weird, secure sense of God's omniscience and omnipotence, it was enough.)


So, maybe the previous questions were just too simplistic. Maybe making our needs known in prayer is even more for us than for God. For real, Dude knows them. It seems like, once again, we are the clueless ones (hoping I am not alone!). Somehow, stripping away all these layers and getting to my heart in the matter also leads me to God's heart for me. I know God is real, and with me, and interested in me (tho I often ask Him why) and when the need of my heart is peace, knowing He is the Prince of Peace I do not hesitate to believe those things are extended to me. When the need of my heart is provision and worth, this Guy speaks things into existence...He can say the word and it is done. And then there is that worth thing...well, this same amazing One spends some time hanging out with silly me. That has to count for something! LOL

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