A friend says, "Say "yes" and see what happens."
So I woke up today thinking of my yeses...
Yes, I will marry you, led me into a fun, fast wedding planning engagement.
Yes, I do, began a marriage that makes me crazy, challenges me to grow, reveals the worst in me but is never dull and still this husband and this union amaze me.
Yes, I need a new way to live, pruned my life of self destruction and gave me back hope.
Yes, I want to follow You, revived my spirit and created a new life.
But this other thing my friend speaks of is nebulous. Say yes...to what? There are two of us involved. My answer is always yes, but it is also always tempered by my husband's response. I make a lot of excuses like Moses, tho. I don't know that my answer is yes as much as my desire is to say yes.
Father, I give you all my excuses. I am laying them down here. You scare me. You ask for everything. You keep me on a "need to know basis." Please, continue to reveal Yourself and Your will to me. I know that You can overcome all my excuses as You did for Moses. I know that if it is Your desire, You will set things in motion, make the responses favorable, equip Your servant. Lord, it is in serving you that I am most alive. You give me that life. There are so many reasons I have for why I am unworthy. Forgive me for not trusting You. Forgive me for believing lies about who I am. You are God. You are awesome, breath taking, breath giving, mysterious, playful, terrifying, passionate. Thank You for how You made me. Thank you for loving me. I love you!