Thursday, November 20, 2008



So, a reader emailed me to say they were in a bad space and didn't want to mess up the blog, LOL... This is a picture of me. Ok, the pearls are whack, and my hair is a bit darker, and-just imagine the picture of me to the right in the same pose!

Grace makes it ok to be messy. Relationships, if we are real, are messy. With a mysterious God, with grumpy spouses, with goofy teenagers, with our own frustrating hearts. Grace is about letting the outside match the inside. If I am feeling crazy, it is ok to be a little crazy...but then I need (this is for me) to accept God's offer of grace and surrender to His care.

Have you read my blog? I have fought with God, small group members, friends, God, husband, kid, God, work...I haven't been following Christ except by grace-from the beginning and for now.

Left to my own, I curse out my husband, cry over my son, take control of everything, blame God...that is all before lunch. Now, I have another option. I can get honest with the godly friends that have been placed in my life, confess how screwed up I am, and make changes (repent).

And, yeah, doing all that right at this moment. Terry and I are squabbling. It has turned into a knock down, drag out, pull in everything from the past, 2 day event-so far. I can tell you he is being a jerk, is closed minded and not listening, yelling, not being fair...yeah, well, he is. But so am I. Because Terry is generally a good guy and altho I am considering murder (divorce is a sin LOL), I am trying to learn how to not be the jerk I am. Of course, I am hoping he becomes less jerky too, but I have no control over him. I have emailed and talked to a married couple who we are friends with (since frankly, I know very few married couples who are really in decent relationships) and was pointed out a few things. Things that I need to confess. Places I am being a jerk. Places where my heart is hardening. Places where I am not letting God do His thing. Places where I am being a jerk (didn't want to forget that I am not the good one in this fight).

Pharisees didn't understand Jesus' grace. They were appalled by it. They were so worried about looking good on the outside that they forgot that God could see their hearts. They forgot that they were lifeless dust without the breath of God.

I don't want to forget that. So post away...not just dump the problem, but what are you doing with it, where is God nudging you, where is grace overwhelming you.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

So post away...not just dump the problem, but what are you doing with it, where is God nudging you, where is grace overwhelming you.


((Hug)) Crying here now!!!
I am basically mad at God, mad at my life circumstances right now. This summer I remember feeling like life was just going to good. It made me fearful of how good it was and I found myself thanking God multiple times a day. Then suddenly it all changed, almost overnight. I am resentful feeling. Grrrr!!

I am spirtually numb and not liking God's path or plan. I am so damn human!!

I need more people in my life who live in Christ. Who can help me thru this growing period dear freind. I recognize it and decided to reach out for help.

How has God prompted me..Well..I have been wanting to go back to this church that is just down the street. It is a really big African American church that has a big group of women who meet every Tuesday night and they call themselves the "Supernatural Sisters". They laugh have spirtual girly time every week. I am going to join them next week.

This church is awesome. They praise and worship with beautiful music. They dance and sing there hearts out.

I think I need a group of women I can call on and have some accountability to cause life is always going to be curvey. :-P

Thanks for making me cry and for making me smile this morning.

Your awesome!!!

Love u lots, Chris

Jaime said...

I love you! You need to find some sisters. You need to find some joy. Sweetie, you have been thru some hard stuff. Don't walk it alone! {{{{{squishy hug}}}}}}

Anonymous said...

Crying here again
Thanks dear friend..
Going to find that joy and let God back in today!!!

Did my prayer and meditation time already today and am going to stay close to HIM all day.

((squishy hug)) back..Thanks for being there for me the past few days. I am still good at hiding that pain but I didn't here!!!

Love you lots, Me