Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1 NIV)
Today I had steroid shots in my lower back for the third time. First time I was scared and asked all my friends to pray for me...did ok, not that there was healing, but the strength from knowing I was filling the throne room with people petitioning on my behalf to bug Dad...well, that was a cool enough image to get me thru. The second time, I guess I got a little cocky or prideful because I figured the first time had gone so well I wouldn't bother anyone. It was not nice. The nurse had difficulty with my IV and it took 6 tries. The shots didn't help at all. But worst of all, I felt alone.
This time, I shook off my pride and asked friends again to bug Dad for me and with me. Got the IV right away. Pretty sore today but too early to tell if they "worked." But all that doesn't matter. I was not alone. I had allowed myself to trust, to rely on, my brothers and sisters who journey with me. Why is that so hard?
Ok, I know it is hard to trust God sometimes. He is sort of invisible and mysterious and there is so much about Him that I don't know. My brothers and sisters are all around me, tho, walking with me sometimes, ahead of me often, and sharing their lives and faith journeys with me. They are real, in the flesh, loving God while sometimes screwing up, thankful for grace, amazing people.
And, tho it is pleasant to have someone to lean on when my fear of needles pops up, what about when my pride and desire for recognition and selfishness pop up? Do I seek the help of my brothers and sisters? Sometimes, but often I am too embarrassed and will only get honest after I have cleaned up enough to be presentable.
And what about just asking for guidance on my faith walk? Do I seek help enough? Again, I think that nasty thorn of pride hinders me by telling me that I need to look secure in my faith even when I need to just let someone know how uncertain and lost I feel but I am more worried about the fact that they seem to look up to me.
This passage in Hebrews tells me that knowing my brothers and sisters, both past and present, are I can drop all the facades-all the busy work and shoulds that hinder me, all the pride that ties me up. And in doing that, I can be who God created me to be, and fully walk that walk in confidence.
I am not good at doing the "we" thing. I am willing to do for you. I have such difficulty letting you do for me, and yet, I know it is wrong. We need each other. We never were meant to be alone, to do life alone. I am blessed to have such a great cloud of witnesses...