There are moments when, no matter how many other times we lie to ourselves, we have no more delusions that we are God. I'm not talking about the good times of worshiping the Infinite Grace. Right now I am thinking more about those times when we are left, dry and desolate, or queasy.
I am finding myself in such a place lately. Things are changing. My footing no longer feels firm. Things just aren't in the right place, like when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night after rearranging the furniture earlier that day. I forget that things are ok, that it is still my stuff, when I stub my toe then cry out to Jesus.
I know, in my head, that God has everything in His control. I know, head/heart/gut, that I have no control. Why can't I get my heart and my gut with God? If everything can work together for good, for God, why can't I settle?
What do you do when you know that "good" can be very painful and not seem good at all? Just keep walking, huh?
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 NIV