The LORD your God himself will drive them out of your way. He will push them out before you, and you will take possession of their land, as the LORD your God promised you. (Joshua 23:5 NIV)
The past few months have been trying. Losing my job, looking for a new job & now getting ready to start a new adventure. Nothing has been very easy, but there hasn't been anything too bad, either. I cannot say I needed anything I did not have. I have had opportunities to spend time with people I cared about, to meet new friends, and to rest-emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
But it has also been a time when I have had to walk thru a lot of sadness, frustration and fear.
What if unemployment didn't come through? What if I couldn't find another job? What if my husband had a complete cow? What will I tell a prospective employer? How would we make it? Why did it happen at all? Why couldn't I just be who God wanted me to be? The fear was overwhelming at times. While I knew God is always with me, that wasn't enough with this anxiety. I needed God to go before me.
I believed that God had plans for me that were good. I knew God was never surprised, like I was by my job change, because He was, is and is to come. I knew God cared about me, was caring for me, but I had no clue where the good was.
As we studied the stories of the Exodus, I began to find a prayer and a confidence.
God chose this dysfunctional, powerless family to be His people. Using His power, not theirs, God freed them from the slavery of Egypt, led them thru the wilderness, fed them in that barren land, and brought them to the land He promised them. They merely had to take possession of the promise; God was driving the inhabitants out of the land.
And that became my prayer and my confidence: if God would go before me and make the way, I would, could, follow anywhere.
I admit that it isn't easy or natural, but I am in training. Each time I see God at work, each time He lets me in on His mission, each time He makes the way for me, I learn to rely more on Him as I exercise my faith. I figure it is practice. In many ways it is more about the journey than the destination. It is really cool to learn how to walk with Jesus...well, except I am pretty sure heaven has to be really cool, too.
Early on in this process, a friend asked me if I wasn't excited about what God had in store for me. Altho I was curious about the next adventure, the pain of rejection was just too close for me to be excited about the future. This week, when I told a friend that I had gotten a job, he responded with a, "Praise God!" I suppose I sounded underwhelmed, but it wasn't because I didn't believe He deserved praise. He gets the praise for all of it- for the lessons of this journey, for the life He has given me, for who I am becoming, and most of all for just being my God.