Sunday, May 30, 2010
What's it all about?
A few years ago, my husband and I were very involved in serving at church-literally, since we made coffee and did hospitality stuff. This opportunity gave us purpose, got us connected, made us visible, and grew us in ways I didn't expect for something as benign as hospitality. Unfortunately, our community, the evening service, began to decline and there was talk of the church not offering it anymore. Around the same time, my husband took a night shift job and would need to sleep at the time of the evening service. After considering everything, we made the decision to leave and go to a morning service. Leaving our connections, not just in terms of people, but also commitment, left us feeling disconnected. Since we have been disconnected, I can't help but ask what is the point of all this anyway?
Perhaps I have allowed myself to get a little TOO disconnected. About a year after moving to the morning service, we decided to find a closer church and really haven't connected anywhere yet. We have tried. We attend a new church pretty faithfully. For me, anyway, there is still this void. I can get teaching other places, altho this church does a good enough job. I tried to fill this void by volunteering, but perhaps kids' ministry isn't my cup of tea. The music is adequate. The people are talented. But...there is that crucial sense of community that continues to be lacking.
Now, I admit some of this is probably my fault. I love the people in my small group now, and I am not willing to give them up yet. Knowing me, I will never be willing, until they all move away or lock the doors to keep me out. Is that what is missing-a small group connection, or is it just another thing to keep me busy, in pursuit, hopeful?
I wonder what church is really supposed to be. If the Spirit is in all believers, do we need to meet weekly to have one dude with a hip, cool look explain a topic? If God always deserves praise, do we need a rocking band with screaming guitar solos for just a couple songs on Sunday?
To be honest, I don't know if I am going to figure this out anytime soon. This whole journey has been a process-slow recognition and understanding sprinkled with the occasional growth spurt. Altho sometimes I wish I just "knew" everything so I could do it all "right," the process has been a spectacular adventure that I really don't want to miss. So, who knows where this conversation will end?
God does, but I think He likes the adventure, too.