In the Waiting

Do you ever wonder what those so-called friends of Jesus were thinking on Saturday?

I have.  I have probably thought some of the same things, too.

Is that it?  All that trouble, all that excitement, all that learning...for nothing?

Is God even real?  Does God even care?  If he does, where is he?  Why doesn't he do something?

I am such a fool.  I bought into something that I thought would help, that I thought was real, only to have the rug pulled out from under me again.  What an idiot.

Why would I believe that such a thing is possible?  Why would I consider that God loves me?  Wants good for me?  Or, for that matter, that we aren't all under some God delusion while we seek meaning and order in our world????

~~~

Yeah, those are the things that I imagine Jesus' friends thinking in that in-between time.  They watched him die after all those miracles and teaching and wisdom.  He died, just as we all will.  And they were left to put it together for themselves.  Left to chose to give it up, or to find a way to make sense from the senseless.

Aren't we in much the same position?  I know the things God has done in my life.  I know the times I have been a part of the movement of the Spirit.  I know that God has been near me.  But there are times when there is a void.

I pray and no one is listening.  I seek and no one is there.  I cry out and hear my echo.  I wait and feel nothing.

What do we do when our senses say there is nothing?  That what was there has left the room?

On my journey, I learned a priceless lesson-to gather evidence of God, of God's interaction in my life.  Long before I knew Jesus, I saw God's presence in my life.  It is this grace hide and seek that we play.  And having evidence to hold onto is so important for me.

I have been in one of those waiting places for a few months.  Not really struggling, but God has been pretty quiet.  I joke with him that he has gone on vacation and I wait for him to return.  I suppose that I have gotten a bit used to this ebb and flow of God's in my life.  I have also grown confident that he will return.  I have evidence.  I have seen it happen.  I trust him because I have watched him. 

Maybe not all his friends doubted while they waited on Saturday.

Perhaps that is why John was with him at the cross, not hiding in the shadows.  He loved him and trusted him to be faithful despite all natural appearances that told him otherwise.  John had evidence that Jesus was no regular person.  That there was something beyond the natural.

I will also wait patiently.  For that time when my God comes back. For that time when my God asks me to be a part of his plan.  For my God.  Because there really isn't anything else for me.  Or for you. 

So wait on him.  Remember.  Wonder at the things that you have been given, walked through, saved from.  He is coming back.