There is a certain arrogance to many Christians, don't ya think?  Or, it could be my arrogance talking.  I know.  Here is the thing, we sing to God, "Break my heart for what breaks yours," but then we never consider-what if I am one of the things that breaks God's heart?
I know, thinking of one's self is seen to be...well, self centered.  Especially when there is a world to save, right?  And, perhaps it is, but if I am a mess, what good will I bring?  Unless I have actually found bread, will I be able to tell the next beggar where to find it? 
I am certainly not wagging my finger at anyone.  Just thinking out loud.  A small group of my friends meet to discuss a book on Thursday evenings, and we were talking tonite about the lies that we believe about ourselves.  The hellcat has been tormenting me lately.  Not that I have been as verbally violent as I feel, but I am freaked out by this hellcat, whose purring I hear as surely as the Tell Tale Heart.  I feel like a failure.  I chide myself, silently, until today, when I let friends know how much I hate this part of me, how much this twists my perception of myself.  I know that this breaks my Father's heart, but why doesn't this break mine?  It occurs to me that maybe it is because it is already broken and needs mending, but I think it is more that it has become calloused.  My heart doesn't always believe that better is really possible, that redemption, more than I have already experienced, is probable or even should be wasted on me. 
While this may not break my heart, I know it breaks my Father's!
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours
~Hosanna, by Hillsong United



Popular posts from this blog

Christ in His Distressing Disguise

Starting Again, in the Dark

Here We Go Again