Thursday, October 25, 2012
The Grace Game
I have been having a tough time lately. Too many commitments. Too many interests. Too much depending on me. Too much going on in general. And I am worn out!
I know that the world doesn't depend on me, not really. It just feels like it at times. Like if I let one thing go, let one person down, the world will have some kind of earthquake. Or at least my boss might.
Either way, it is a lonely path. The burden is too great.
One of the things that helps when I am feeling so alone and so tired is to look for tracks of His grace. It is our little game. When I feel this empty, His ravens always show up. This has been one of those weeks, but I was worried He might have gotten tired of playing.
Surely I was mature enough to trust Him without those reassurances. But I am not. I am just a child playing peek-a-boo with my Father, and just a tad worried that when I uncover my eyes, He will have gone.
Thankfully, I have been moved to tears of relief more than once this week, more than once today. My Father never lets me down.
A friend's family meditation about nursing reminded me why I still believe in this profession that tries to poison its own. The challenge of another friend to get in the Word has found me gnawing on the 1st chapter of Colossians-and I am not through that chapter! Paul reminded me that it is about constantly, continually, always-not a test you study for to demonstrate mastery. Then he reminded me that Christ is the source of it all-the creation, my life, redemption. I cannot go anywhere that He is not, and what a comforting meditation that has been! A blogger conference, that I headed to alone and nervous, is being held at a hotel that I had been to for another function, so I already knew my way around. And the first speaker...he spoke on pride as well as mentioning the Shunammite woman that Beth Moore taught on last month. As tears filled my eyes, I could only whisper, "thank you," to my Father.
Many preparations have been made for me, without me knowing at the time. I wonder what I will garner, in my future, when I will look back and see how His provision in this day were built for that time.
I am constantly, continually, and always grateful for this journey. And, of course, for my Father's grace.