Armchair QB - Desiring What I Have

Football season doesn't officially begin until next week, but since I am back at the blog, I figured I would resurrect a fun series, "Armchair QB."  In case you don't know, armchair quarterback (QB) is an American idiom for someone who offers advice or criticizes something but never shows that they could do any better. I do not seek to criticize the messages discussed here but instead I desire to interact with the text and the message, pulling it apart, wrestling with it, and occasionally offering a different perspective.  

This Sunday we focused on Exodus 20:17...

 

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

 

Seems simple enough, right? Pretty much just want what is yours and don't desire the life of your neighbor.  I think I have that down.  I don't want a different house because one of my friends has it.  I don't want someone else's husband (I have my hands full with my own).  I don't want any servants.  I don't want a different car. 

 

Stuff doesn't mean that much to me really.  I make money to pay bills and to support causes and to allow me creative outlets. So this commandment doesn't really apply.  It isn't a place that I struggle.  Or so I think.

 

When I read this rule, I see stuff: houses, spouses, servants, animals, tools, vehicles, and I really am ok without "stuff." When I flesh this coveting idea out a little more, however, I find an embarrassing number of things. I am even somewhat ashamed to write this, but here goes. 

 

I covet:

• The contentment & comfort of my neighbors in their roles. To be put together & not an awkward mess would be so nice. 
• Being a good Christian wife-home cooking, home schooling, home decorating like many of my neighbors. These women are kind and industrious and probably have never threatened to throat punch anyone.
• The opportunities for ministry that some of my neighbors have.  I want to be able to have the chance to do amazing things for God, to guide his people, to disciple many.  But my neighbor does that, not me.

I covet being better, being more, being important.  I covet perceptions, indubitably mistaken, at least to some extent.  Comparing my insides to your outsides rarely is accurate. I covet a calling to make sacrifices for God. 

 

And this is where I realized that there was something quite twisted.  You see, doing amazing things for God and being in ministry are not bad things.  They are actually quite wonderful adventures.  What I began to realize was that my desire to please God, to do great things FOR him, was tied to God's favor, the admiration and approval of others, validating my own worth.  And I think that is a lie.

 

God gave me worth when I was nothing.  He chose me before I knew him. The admiration and approval of others is meaningless if it separates me from God. My worth...my worth is only by his grace. Perhaps more than sacrificing my life for the cause of Christ, I am called to sacrifice my desires and delusions to Christ.  Perhaps there are things that I will never be - a polished exterior, a domestic superstar, a pastor - and to sacrifice these things and live in the truth, the truth that God chooses for me, the way he created me, the place and situations where he places me...maybe that is deeper and more meaningful.  Maybe the point of dying to self is to strip away covetousness altogether by embracing who I am and the life I have.

 

It was so much more comfortable when I thought I had this down.  Now I am stuck wondering which are my proper desires and which are my sinful ones. More journey ahead.

You can listen to the actual message from Hope Community Church here.