Grace-period

If you aren't sure how God can love such silly people as us, get a puppy and fall in love. Yes, she bites me when she is teething. Yes, she has chewed on the checkbook. Yes, she has peed on the floor. Yes, she whines sometimes. But she also plays gloriously and pants with silliness and chases her tail if you hold it and won't go down the steps without you beside her. Her best friends are a pitbull and a stinky stuffed frog. Sometimes I watch her, laughing, and I wonder if I haven't heard God laughing at the same way, only at me. Grace isn't such a complex subject, really. It is a simple program for complicated people. Have you heard that somewhere before? If God loves me even as much as I love my pup, well, I am in really good shape. Same goes for you, my friend. If God loves you, even as much as I love you, you are doing good. But it is my belief, that God loves us gobs more than we can wrap our finite brains around. Isn't that cool?

When I come to the edge of all the light I know, and am about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen... Either there will be something solid to stand on or I will be taught to FLY.

I hate being sick. The snot fills my brain so my synapses seems to fire a little slower. The cough makes me walk a little slower. My ears make me want to scratch like a cocker spaniel. And still, I go to work and try to pretend I am not sick, trying to work at the same intensity and pace, thinking only that when I get to the couch at home I can pass out. This, and the book I am reading, started me thinking about sin. Being sick physically reminds me of my spiritual sickness. I try the medications of the world-denial, avoidance, justification, rationalization. Sometimes they take my mind off the symptoms for long enough to let me forget that I have an underlying disease (or dis-ease, if you will). Other times I have taken the medicine of religion-intellectualism (venial vs. mortal) and works (say 10 Hail Mary's and meditate on the Sorrowful mysteries). I have tried willpower, positive thinking, no thinking, staying away from people/places/things, prayer, Prayer and PRAYER. But No O...

I have been reading Philip Yancy's "What's So Amazing About Grace?" and it is really keeping me busy. There is lots of good stuff in the book, but this, and it is on the back cover, has given me lots to chew on: "There is nothing we can do to make God love us more. There is nothing we can do to make God love us less." My first reaction was, Yea me! But then, as time passed, as situations came up, as I read farther into the book, a slow sense of confusion started to descend. Yea me, but hey, what about Yoohoo who did that and really hurt me and won't admit it and..... Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. OUCH! I have been the recipient of lots of grace in my life. I consider the fact that I am where I am today to be grace, but it has mostly been grace from God that I "get." Recently I have been touched by grace from another person and that really freaked me out. It goes against my nature to not take things person...

Who are you? Why do you talk to me? Why do you bother with me? Before you showed up, I was ok. I was surviving. Yeah, I wasn't happy or peaceful or content or joyous or a whole lot of "good" things, But I wasn't expecting much, either. I can't be who you ask me to be No matter how loud you call. I can't be loving like you want. I can't accept this grace like you offer. I can't be who you want. I am not brave enough, strong enough, faithful enough. This is too hard. I never cried like this before, never felt this pain, never felt.... Why won't you let me be? Talk to someone else. Go bug them. Ruin their lives. Tell them your stories. Whisper love songs to them. Numb their brains with your hope. Dazzle them with your promises. Leave me alone! Are we merely pawns for some celestial chess game? Where are you so I can yell at you appropriately? So I can look you in the eyes as you smite me for my insolence. Bring it on! I know Job was closer to the beg...

The Teacup Story There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. This was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. "You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Let me alone', but he only smiled, 'Not yet.'" "Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!' I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.'" "Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wo...

Do you ever have one of those weeks? Or just another one of those moods? I want to be doing the right thing. I ask for help doing the right thing. But in the snap of my fingers, I can lose my footing and fall right back into stupid behavior. It makes me so mad! Not because I am doing the wrong behavior, get this, but BECAUSE I NEED TO GET REAL HUMBLE (and sometimes get real & get humble) and REVERSE my current course of action and CHANGE! UGH!!!!! Anybody else have pride as a character defect? I want so much to do right, to be right, to feel right, to create right-ness. And in reality, when I am able to get real, I realize it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING RIGHT. No religion I have read about tells me to be "right." (ok, except maybe Buddhism but that is with the Eight Fold Path and I don't think that is focused on me as much as my behaviors) Religions mostly talk about, as well as my own personal beliefs, about trusting GOD, not ME . Right-ness means I am only trustin...