Grace-period

I dreamt I was dying the other night. I had been to a sort of rally listening to various candidates, political and religious, share their visions for how they could change the world when I realized it was all empty rhetoric. Without any effort or thought, I walked away into the dark night.  The darkness seemed to engulf me. I knew where I was so I wasn’t exactly afraid, but I was also aware that something was happening. The street were dimly lit and lined with darkly painted buildings with windows that were also painted like old factories. To my left, something caught my eye. At first my mind tried to deny it, but then it registered as a shadow figure. I picked up my pace trying to look casual as fear rose.  I knew the figure was following me. My pace began to quicken. A light shone on a strip of stores. As I leapt through the automatic door of one, I found myself bathed in the bright light of a sporting goods store. When I tumbled across the threshold, ...

My spirit is full, pleasantly satiated at this moment.  I find it curious that God remains hidden but yet is infused in it all. Less Himself and more Other-self. The comfort of a relaxing shower and a favorite shirt, authentic conversation with a dear friend over a delicious cup of tea, an impromptu encounter with a sponsee and a meeting with beautiful women and warm hugs where truth is spoken and a new life practiced, shopping for delights both for creativity and physical sustenance... An old sing-song prayer comes to mind:  Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow; Praise Him, all creatures here below; Praise Him above, ye heav’nly host; Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. All goodness comes from Him. All sweetness comes from Him. All gifts of nourishment for body and spirit come from Him. He is present with me because He is life to me. And then the whispers...all trials? All tribulations? I hesitate, not wanting to be blind but not able to dismiss...

None enough for a post, I am just going to drop off these odds and ends here: It is interesting to me how readily words come one day and how barren my voice is others. Do I say too much? Is this my self trying to be modest or protect itself from exposure? ... I watch this show to go to sleep. Yes, I am that person-I need background noise to sleep AND I watch British tele. But sometimes tidbits like this come along:  I am aware of how good it has to be that it is just painful now. -The Great British Baking Show This reflects a bit of my soul right now. As I have been thinking about God’s holiness, His Other-ness, I continue to be confronted by my awareness of sin. Part of me is really aware of how good God and how dreadful I am is that it is painful. Then I seek I am also aware of just how unpleasing the world is.  Sure, that London Fog was warm and cozy, but now it is just an empty cup. Christmas shopping is making the mall madness, but will our pu...

My dreams have been filled with examining religious traditions lately. I almost wonder if I was awake some mornings. It amuses me but is also interesting as it appears I have been working things out in my dreams.  In my waking life, I practice a spiritual life of following Jesus. I call it a spiritual life because it is built on relationship rather than rules. Certainly I defer to God, but I don’t feel trapped in a rule book of do this and never do that. I live certain ways because i love God and I fall short in other ways because I still dislike myself too much (thus getting lost in being undesirable and unworthy of God’s concern). Examining religion in my dreams amuses me because it is yet another way that I am still trying to control this time of God’s absence from me. It has always been my default anyway: if I know the right answer, the right way, the right church...then I can be worthy of God’s affections. Silly pride. I will neither be able to control this Lion not...