Grace-period

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 corinthians 12:9, niv) I never liked that verse much, but since I write about grace, I figured I could give it another look. See, to me, in my previous mindset of un-grace, I read, "Buck up you whiners, I gave you everything you needed." I was unable to hear the love because the judgement screamed louder. I was unable to feel the connectedness as I recoiled from the cold shoulder. I am no theologian, just someone who pursues God, but I know, wholeheartedly, that it isn't until I accept my weakness that I can find God. Until then, I am still trying to be self sufficient and trying to not bother God with the "little" stuff. That is, until my back is against the wall and I cry for help like the toddler I am, "Daddy!" Only when I feel the pain of that thorn am I completely surrendered and I wait for Him. It isn't until I embrace that thorn that I find God...

Storms happen. I haven't met anyone yet who is free of struggles. Yesterday I remembered this saying, not sure if it is a lyric or something I read so I can't give credit where credit is due, but... Sometimes He quiets the storm and sometimes He calms the child. I often pray for obstacles to be removed first rather than ask for His hand to hold as I walk thru them. I am nothing more than this temper tantrum prone toddler who wants to do it herself and it isn't until I fall down and scrape my knee that I call for Daddy. Sure, I would like to say I am trying to walk with Him, but for real, I know I fall so short. Or maybe I do walk with Him, as well as a toddler can walk. Have you ever tried to walk with one? They toddle the right way then swing to the other to look at something then stop altogether to look at something else or merely take a breather and then they usually fall or get knocked over by the bigger crowd. That actually sounds a lot like my walk, with or without Go...

When I say.."I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin' " I'm whispering, "I was lost", now I'm found and forgiven. When I say....."I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide. When I say...."I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong I'm professing that I'm weak And need His strength to carry on. When I say...."I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success I'm admitting that I've failed and need God to clean my mess. When I say...."I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect My flaws are far too visible But, God believes I am worth it. When I say....."I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain I have my share of heartaches So I call upon His name. When I say...."I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou I'm just a simple sinner Who received ...

Glory be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; As it was in the beginning, is now and every shall be, World without end. Amen

It may seem rather self-absorbed to write a post with that title, but it doesn't seem so to me and I will try to explain why as I go on. But, yes, today is my birthday. I am not 4 or 40 as the cake to the side could imply. There is no "4" in my age this year, at all, so stop guessing. I am not telling. I love my birthday. It is at the time of year when summer is starting to creep in and flowers can be planted without too much risk of frost (what I have done with my birthday money for years). But this year is even more significant than remembering the day of my physical birth. As I watch nature awaken and blossom, I have been spending a bit of time thinking my spiritual birth and my spiritual journey. I have been wandering thru the swamp of shame and the fog of doubt while looking back at where I have been. I have been following a trail of hope scattered with tracks of grace. (Ok, put simply, I have been looking at where I have been and where I am, by the grace of God, in...

This is my favorite step, the most difficult for me, and the one I run to in times of trouble. "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." I am the first to admit I have a pride problem. I am like a toddler-I want to do it myself! Unfortunately, what that usually means is I want to make a mess of it myself! This step has the remedy for my brand of insanity-well, and if I weren't so self centered, for a few other brands as well-A POWER GREATER THAN MYSELF. Of course, God is a power greater than myself, but as I work with newer people, I have to remember that when I was new, God was the last person I wanted to meet. On a CD, a speaker was talking about being God-in-skin to other people. That makes a lot of sense. I can either beat people over the head with the Bible and risk turning them off, or I can be God-in-skin for them. That doesn't make me Jaime Almighty (like the movie), but it encourages me to love and have compassion a...

Sometimes I think that "This is the End." (Whether it is the end of the world or the end of my world can be hard to determine.) In the 6th and 7th steps we look at defects and ask God's help to change these patterns, these strongholds, in our lives. I think to myself, "I am thru with that behavior." I don't want to act on it anymore and I won't. Self-will. Not that I think God wants me to be a jerk, but I do think that God wants me to rely on him and not me. I look around my life and see the only things that have changed, really changed not just re-decorated, are the things that I surrendered to God's assistance, His grace. Chuckling, I think about my back issue going on right now. Would I want, or better yet be able, to do surgery on my own spine? Of course not! And neither would I want to, but somehow, mere goofball that I am, I believe I can do spiritual surgery on myself. I mean, of course I would do a wonderful job since I helped g...

I found this picture while looking for something else, but I really like it. It reminds me that as much as I am looking for God, He is looking for me. You know, altho I write about my own experiences, I feel it is my responsibility to pass on the grace that I have been given. A little of the 12th step maybe, but I think God calls us to Himself for a reason, to be God's voice to the world, to be God's hands in the world..... I was in the wrong soccer field on Sunday, some may think anyway. I wandered around with Chelsea looking for a blue jersey as Chelsea snuck up on men in shorts and licked the back of their legs and women ran up wanting to pet the "Oh, she's adorable!" dog. One woman kind of hung back tho I could see her making tentative movements toward us. She stood alone and something gave away her brokeness (maybe it takes one familiar with brokeness to recognize it in another?). I invited her to meet Chelsea and we began to talk. She was having a real...

I got back from camping yesterday. I was rather anxious about this as I hadn't been camping since I was about 12 and the family we went with could be on Survivor. However, I had an awesome time! In fact, I woke up at 4am distinctly aware that I was not where I was "supposed" to be. I was warm, my back didn't hurt, my hair had no familiar smokiness and it was too quiet. I let the dogs out so I could hear the birds and feel the appropriate chill in the morning air. Have I converted? Only time will tell if I can make it on Survivor someday, but I was taught how to start a fire from just the coals from the previous night's fire and that birch is very important and how to set up my own tent. That has to count for something. Here's the grace sighting from the trip tho: both the mom and the daughter said something about us (my husband and me) potentially getting tired/annoyed of them. Utter silliness. There was so much joy and compassion and love. Kids were crashing...

F ully R ely O n G od When I learned this meaning, it just stuck. It is sort of my mantra. I want to live by it, but I am not able to, as well as I would like. What does this have to do with grace? For me, when I am trying to run on my own juice, I make a mess of my life. I find myself stuck in the swamp of un-grace, not just from others, but worse in my view of myself. I become very critical of myself, trying to be "good" but never being good enough. When I practice humility and let God be God and allow Him to care for me....well, life goes a lot better. God is God and I am not. If only I remembered that more often!

This is my friend. She is in jail. God loves her a lot. She doesn't love herself much, but hopefully that will change. I saved her picture to [someday] remind her of how far she has come but I also use it to remind myself that, "but for the grace of God....."*GRACE* This woman started to soften my heart for God. She would talk about God and her church and what she would learn. I had thought I was too cool for God but what I really felt was that I had been too bad for God to want me. This woman made me start to wonder and listen for God's voice. Later, she relapsed into some criminal activity and was incarcerated. I continue to pray for her, that God will show her how much He loves her and teach her what her true value is in His eyes. *GRACE* God doesn't just save the lost, sometimes He uses them to guide the wandering. Who am I to choose who God could use? Who is good enough? Who is blessed enough? Who is educated enough? Sometimes I get this feeling from church p...