Grace-period

Tonight was another Easter play at Hershey Free.  I always go, even when others groan that it is the same as the one done a couple years ago.  For me, it is always a new chance for God to show up. I didn't want to go to that first one.  My husband really wanted to go, but I was being obstinate, as usual.  Christian plays were lame.  Husband was irritating me.  I was nervous, not knowing what to wear for church things.  Still, I went because husband had made a friend, and it was important to him to spend time with that friend.  I also just didn't want to have to sort through this God thing again.  The Christian God that I had grown up with was more like some dusty, obscure character from a fable. My current higher power and I seemed to be getting along, and I wanted to just leave it alone.  Still, in this weird place in my head, or maybe it was my heart, I knew that the categories weren't quite real and...

While out for lunch with my favorite blonde family at Infinito's , Kenton sighed and sat back in his chair, "This is my idea of HEAVEN!" I cocked my head to the side asking, "Really?!"  Sure, for a boy his age, a pizza buffet might very well be his idea of heaven, but it didn't stop there. "Well, I could use a lot of money, too, then I could own the place and everyone could serve me," he added. His sister wasn't going to let him get away with that, tho, "Ummm, isn't that a little backwards?  Aren't we supposed to be serving God?" "Oh, well, yeah," he rebounded with ease, "the people can serve me AND God!" I laughed, but he caught me, "So what's YOUR idea of heaven?" *silence, maybe a cricket chirped* Fortunately for me, a glass got spilled, and I was off the hook.  The conversation hasn't left me tho.  I suppose it seems like a pretty easy question, but it has been tugging on...

I am still fighting a cold today, so I have been hanging on the sofa watching movies.  Just done watching Kung Fu Panda .  The part of this movie that caught my brain was that this fluffy, chunky, clumsy, & somewhat dense panda was supposed to be a martial arts master altho he knew he wasn't really. I feel like that a lot.  I am also fluffy, chunky, clumsy, & somewhat dense quite often.  Am I who I am supposed to be?  Am I even on the right track?  A friend was relating a story of a recent date that he had with girlfriend and how offensive the show was.  I actually had seen and liked the show and thought it was "real." Is there supposed to be a chasm between "real" and "Christian?"  And, worse yet, am I a bad Christian? I am loud and opinionated, I drop the f bomb every so often (tho not so often), I am not worried about being around gay & bisexuals (unless they think I am cute-LOL), I don't want to convert my Jewish...

Christ be with me, Christ within me, Christ behind me, Christ before me, Christ beside me, Christ to win me, Christ to comfort and restore me. Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ in quiet, Christ in danger, Christ in hearts of all that love me, Christ in mouth of friend and stranger. I bind unto myself the Name, The strong Name of the Trinity; By invocation of the same. The Three in One, and One in Three, Of Whom all nature hath creation, Eternal Father, Spirit, Word: Praise to the Lord of my salvation, Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Not feeling well today. Maybe I have caught the husband's cooties. Either way, I was lying on the couch watching TV, like any good unemployed person with cooties should, when I was struck in the head. No, not with a rock, but with a hope. A Beautiful Mind   is   the story of the gifted mathematician, John Nash, who struggled with schizophrenia, specifically three particular delusions in the movie, but he learned how to ignore them. Not pretend they aren't there, but to step over them, walk around them. Russel Crowe as Nash stated, "I still see things that are not here; I just choose not to acknowledge them."   Wouldn't we all be better off if this is how we lived our lives? Makes me think about all the negative things we can accuse ourselves of in times of stress and fear.  I know there are voices that snicker and haunt, whispers of "You could never do that.  You aren't good enough/smart enough/young enough/old enough/talented ...

Another blogger carnival.  Check out more posts here . Goodness is.... inhaling deeply the aroma of a sleeping baby. taking a nap with a snoring dog. belly laughs. a good friend who doesn't mind snot on their shoulder while they embrace you and your sobbing. the first budding bulbs announcing spring really is on its way. those little hints God leaves to remind you he is near. the smell of banana bread baking while you catch up with friends. thousands of voices singing praise, acapella. unexpected tweets from someone who loves you when you feel alone. the sound of a gentle rainshower. a husband who rubs my head when the tylenol won't work. flip flops with a new pedicure. bouncy hair after a fresh cut. wrestling with the dog that loves you too much to bite, but also too much not to nibble on you. sun that arrives, warming your skin after gloomy days. loving your spouse more, 18 years later, than the infatuation of engagement. how God changes liv...

When I began to try to speak to God again, Diana offered her God. That seemed a little odd, and, well, I was a little nervous about it. Would God be offended? What if I was dialing up the wrong one? What if there was no one listening, and I was just talking to myself anyway? Still, one has to begin somewhere, so I did. "Um, Diana's God, if you are listening, maybe we could talk? I don't really know who you are and the god I thought I knew wasn't working. I mean, we hadn't talked in a while and, well, I was hoping since you like Diana and she is a woman of faith who trusts you and who I trust, that you might not mind if I tagged along." And that is how God and I were introduced, not by my faith in a God greater than myself, but my faith in a woman who had a God she claimed was loving and caring, even more than she was to me. My life has been flipped around a bit in the last week. Ok, more like a major overhaul. My calendar is filled with useless schedu...

From the Cathedral of St John the Divine Had an awesome time at the Kutless/Casting Crowns concert with my sister, brother in law, and good friend.  It was Jenn's Christmas present, but it also meant she had to come to Lancaster to visit which was in a way MY Christmas present. I tweeted and posted many things that struck me, but this one needed to marinate a bit:  What do I need to lay at Jesus' feet? I have kicked this around over the years and the answers were things like my marriage, my son, my sin, my... Today, this answer is: my death. It's not necessarily a morbid idea.  I have not been diagnosed with a disease that will take my life, yet.  What I mean by my death is that I spend an awful lot of time making sure things go right, preventing bad things, doing my best.  I can't catch everything, tho.  Bad stuff will get thru.  The deaths of my understandings, my knowledge, my hopes, my ambitions, & my desires...these are the death I need ...