Grace-period

GONE PAINTING BE BACK WHEN I AM DONE

Some people may think I ask too many questions. According to my mother.... my first word was "why" and my first sentence was "What's that?" I was a toddler when I took apart the family stereo, just to see how it worked. They never got it back together. And, that stereo today is a good reminder for me. I don't want to tear things apart or deconstruct so much that I lose sight of what it was. Maybe it is time to read a different book.

It is interesting the variety of response from others when I bring up this topic. One was simply, Right on! I'm with you! while others seem to be trying to tug me back to the safe shore of Christianity. I don't want to be on the shore right now. As long I don't sense God being annoyed with my questions, I am ok.

So, the beauty of email-throw out a question and get back an answer while you sleep! LOL If only prayer worked liked that, maybe I wouldn't be asking all these questions. Since she chose not to respond on the blog, I am not going to write it here. But my response comes from her email . ------- I know that ( Prayer is a way of crying out to the only one who can actually help us ), but it just seems like such a solitary journey ( Prayer is a way of putting God on the throne ). I have been going on this thing with prayer for a month or so lately. I used to pray more easily. Now it feels harder, less connected, more for me and less about me and Him tho I know the whole thing probably is just selfish ( Often our prayers are selfish, because we want to feel better, or we want things to be better for someone else ) but is that really what this is supposed to be about? I have never been comfortable with others praying for me. It gives me the creeps honestly. Prayer is so intimate, so is p...

A dear woman, who meant very well I am sure, insisted she pray for me tonite. At first, part of me wants to be comforted, but then, suddenly, my gut rebelled, "Please don't pray for me!" ??????? I am still so uneasy about prayer. Look, don't get me wrong, I pray. Well, at least I think I do. Prayer is not some magic formula of the right words spoken in the right order at the right moment for the right amount of time to achieve the desired result to me. It is about being quiet, finding connection to God, seeking His will. ??????? I know some will say if I do not ask I cannot receive, but, come on, I have been given so much already. Do I have to be greedy? And, for real, if I could have anything, I think it would be to really know God's heart. Pain? It will pass. Money? It will be earned and spent and little could change. Relationship? Virtues? Jobs? If I know God's heart, His will, I can relax despite all these cares. ??????? But, it goes a little farther than ...

Although there are many who may disagree, I just love the simplicity of those old prayers, especially... Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as is was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen It is simple, biblical, and seems to start right where I usually end, after my rantings. They fit like a blanket tucked around you as a child to keep you safe and snug at night. They are comfortable like a favorite sweatshirt. Savoring each phrase is delicious. All these weird descriptions come because the prayer is not stale as one thinks of old books. It is alive and vibrant and flows with that Life.

I was in a meeting the other night and the discussion was on the 7th step. For those of you who do not know, Step 7 is: We humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings. One dude shared his understanding, and I was taken aback. I had always figured my shortcomings were part of me-intrinsic like eye color, skin color. I can be a prideful controlling bitch because that is who I am. So, for me, essentially I see this step as asking for God to make me better than I am-into the woman He intended me to be from the mess I am. I know I am a new creation in Christ, but taking this step to mean that as recovering woman, as this new creation-not my former self, with God's help I have the choice to continue in the path of growth or to continue acting like a knucklehead. The nuance is subtle, but it makes sense. Original sin-redemption-salvation-sanctification-that sort of thing came to mind....well, either way, it was enough to get me back to my stepwork :-)

Religion scares me sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I know there is Truth, but when we understand how finite our ability to think must be compared to an Infinite God... And what about God Himself? He is beyond our comprehension...but we try and package Him within our ability to understand so that we can manipulate ourselves and others. We select our leaders as to whether they fit our understanding of what we need, of what God wants for us, of what God is. We use these ideas to control and judge. We set ourselves apart from them . We go on missions trips to help them . We evangelize them . Ok, maybe not all of us do these things, but rather than point fingers at my brothers and sisters I would rather stand with them. We are responsible for one another. What if our understanding is too narrow? What if our Truth is only what our tiny brains can fathom? What if our God is so much more....what if those things seem crazy to us, confusing us, frightening us? Are you following a ...

One thing I have realized about God and prayer is that they keep me strictly grounded in the present. Sure, I can pray about concerns for the future or ask forgiveness over something in the past, but when the prayer reaches its center, it is fully in that moment. And I think maybe that is where God wants us anyway; that is the place where we can be the most useful. We need to meet people in the moment. We need to be able to be used by God now...not after we fix our hair or make our confession or get our degree. If we were fully equipped to do it, would it really be God working thru us? I am guilty of forgetting this and have this imaginary "when" list. When I get my budget organized, when I get my degree, when I read this book, when I get my temper under control, when I can learn to talk better, when my house is cleaner, when I have lost weight, when my son is grown, when...... Today, my gift back to you, Father, is my present, just as it but also, more importantly, as y...

Ok, well, praying this morning led me somewhere else with all this. I have been experimenting with praying about what I perceive as my needs/desires for a couple weeks as I have been exploring this topic. Terry's dog Molly ran off one Wednesday and I prayed for her to be returned, gently....then I prayed that God would just watch over her while I couldn't...that sort of polite request....but it was never the "right" prayer. I never had relief. I was anxious and preoccupied. I thought I had to keep "turning over" as I "took it back" but the thing was, when I realized that Molly was where-ever she was and was having whatever journey, what I needed most was peace, not the dog. So that became the focus of my prayer. Now, yeah, by Friday afternoon I told God I had had enough and I wanted my dog back now...NOT polite or beating around the bush. And that evening she was home...and friends of friends (who we know, but barely) had been caring for her the wh...

I don't know exactly how you pray, but I have been meditating on prayer for a couple weeks, reading about it, exploring it on my blog and in discussions with friends, and now reading Dallas Willard's take on it as a discipline. Willard talks about the experience part...one reason that a person will pray more is because they will see answers. Andrew Murray (isn't that the dude that wrote "With Christ in the School of Prayer"?) wrote that we need to ask for things confidently, knowing they will happen, because we ask for them from within God's will therefore we are asking for God's will to be done. I don't pray for things because I do not presume to be within God's will (which I really perceive as prideful since one must know God's will to be within it) and I don't feel like I really know what that [His will] is since I know that God knows way more than I do and has the ability to see and know things about situations that I wouldn't even ...

Check out this thought: A bout six years ago, I was sitting with my then four-year old son watching TV. On the screen they showed one of the recently captured terrorist. His hair was ruffled, his eyes were puffy, and he looked like an overall wreck. To me, he looked like he was breathing, so he looked like he was doing too well. My four-year old on the other hand, he asks, "Do you think that man knows that God loves him?" ************************* Wow. I remember thinking back then how awesome it was that God can speak directly to your heart through your own child. I'd like to say that I've been praying for terrorists for the past six years but that would be a lie. My epiphany on loving my enemies lasted all of a day or two. How can I love someone that would kill innocent women and children? ************************* How can I love someone, that if I was ever in the wrong place, at the wrong time, they would kill me and my family because I'm an American ...